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this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2024
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I can see that. These guys don't know how to date/flirt etc they didn't have the same milestones others kids did. They should have learned when everyone in their cohort was learning. Imagine if you didn't learn the fundamentals of any subject but had to keep going to harder and harder levels. End up with the dating mind of a 13 year old trying to deal with 23 year olds. Of course you need experience to get experience like a fucking zen riddle so they fall even further behind. Partners don't want to deal with the awkward insanity of a boy in a man's body.
To be honest, dating 20+ is a shit show. The things i learned about dating in my teens didn't help me dating in my 30's. Sure they have issues dating but we all do. It's the willingness to learn, adapt, and care for someone else that i don't see in incels and that isn't learned from dating in your teens. They seem to blame outside forces for their issues and not seek to improve themselves
Well for me it made a big difference. I don't think me and my wife would have stayed together had it not been for other woman I had dated prior. Learned how to have an argument, how to show random acts of kindness, gotten the nerve up to tell them when they are hurting you unintentionally, etc. This stuff didn't come naturally to me.
100%! I am not saying learning these things doesn't help. But blaming lack of dating in their teens for an incel becoming who they are is not a valid justification in my opinion.
You can only blame yourself so much before it causes so much emotional anguish that you turn your frustration outwards.
I never meant to imply/ say or in any way hint that therapy is bad. I think everyone can use it.