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FreedomBox is amazing!
(slrpnk.net)
Hosting your own services. Preferably at home and on low-power or shared hardware.
Also check out:
I haven't used it that long but it seems like I do have the control if I want to! Like for example I configured rspamd to obfuscate IP addresses in the logs (other people use this server so I don't want to see the subjects of their emails), and I also installed plugins for Roundcube as well to enable sieve filtering. I'm inexperienced though perhaps you're referring to something else when it comes to control?