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Why are folks so anti-capitalist?
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Right, but they can't! That's the whole point of capitalism! Slavery is the pinnacle of anti-capitalism, because slaves don't own their own capital! It's explicitly not capitalist.
Holy mental gymnastics, Batman
Please explain-- what gymnastics?
Wikipedia definition of capitalism:
If slaves don't have private ownership.... then they're not living under a capitalist system. Right? What am I missing?
Slaves don't have private ownership of their capital (that is, their own labor)... because someone else does.
Most "free" workers, in terms of capital, own only their own labor.
Capitalists own the majority of the capital--land, equipment, intellectual property, etc.
A system where the workers own the capital (aka the means of production) is socialism.