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this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2024
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askmenover30
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No. But I actually put it down to my therapist being a fucking idiot.
Ive lived a wild life, Ive had guns and knives pulled on me regularly while I was bouncing, there was drugs, street racing, casual sex, severe alcoholism... and he kept wanting to talk about "the trauma" and never once listened to the fact that I actually miss that life.
Its working a government job for the next 30 years to pay a mortgage on an overpriced suburban house so my daughter doesnt grow up next to crackheads that scares the shit out of me. When you're pinballing from one insane crazy situation to another you dont have much time to dwell on your bullshit.
Interesting, you seem to have had a thrilling life at some point. Any crazy stories to share?
Great story, quite wholesome!
But did you ever ask yourself if the life you missed could be any healthy, for anyone? Sure, you miss that life since it apparently took your mind off of your problems, plus you know how to exist and function in that life and have trouble in the other, but that could just be you coping and trying to ignore things.
Not trying to be another therapist here, I'm just someone who also happens to have led a pretty interesting life and who had to face the same questions.
And yeah, taking responsibility for someone else's life is infinitely more scaring, in particular if you can't yet trust yourself to do the right thing and not fuck things up royally, I get that. I like to believe it's also infinitely more rewarding in the end though.
Oh I squared my shit away with myself down the track. That guy just couldnt shake off the idea that my anxiety attacks werent a result of just good old fashioned growing up poor and without a dad giving me a crippling fear of failure (and if you dont try you cant fail) but had to be one of the many fucked up things I saw or was involved in... someone with as many scars and insane stories couldnt POSSIBLY be as boring as that.
Oh, that's shitty. Therapists who think "it must be X what is the issue" are bad therapists, they should be helping you to find out what the issues are and not trying to convince you of their biased ideas