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Hurry!
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I've Ulcerative Colitis. I know that feeling.
I suppose that is a technically correct contraction of "I have", but it looks so strange.
That’s because it isn’t.
(No, I won’t go into a discussion how language changes and things that used to be mistakes are no fine and yaddayadda. In today’s standard English you cannot contract ‘I have’ if ‘have’ is not an auxiliary verb.)
https://editorsmanual.com/articles/types-of-contractions/
Do toilet poltergeists stalk you and turn normal chairs into toilets, like in those commercials? Or are those, like, not an entirely accurate depiction of the condition?