I've only been a member of Lemmy for about a month. In that time I've seen many complaints on how difficult it is to join. While many of these may be overblown, I do see some merit in it.
I joined lemmy via the Join Lemmy web page. I had no problem with the landing page as I have a technical background. For a non-technical person, it could be a bit confusing if they bothered to read it. The Join A Server button is the essential point and it's quite clear.
When I got to the Lemmy Servers page, I panicked a bit. What criteria do I use to pick a server, how do I make the best choice? As it turned out, I joined one of the recomended ones, learned my way around, and then joined another that was a good fit for me. I even joined kbin. In the end, it doesn't make much difference what server you chose.
These questions are answered in the links on the page. For the grandma wanting to join a fly fishing community or the grandpa wanting to join a sewing community, going to a GitHub site and getting past the first part of the page may be too much for them. Wouldn't it be better to have some of that information on the server page itself? I've created a dozen or so web sites, but I'm not UX expert.
All of this is predicated on the target audience. With the growing popularity of Lemmy and the gradual dissolution of Reddit, I think the audience would be largely made up of non-technical Reddit users looking for a better place in which to participate.
If there is such an effort, I'm willing to participate, not just say it needs to be done.
(Un)fortunately it kinda does makes a difference. Some instances defederate from other instances, which could potentionally change the user's experience in a good/bad way, depending on the user's philosophy. This probably can increase the user's instance in choosing a server, or after joining a server. Also as others have already said, the need to choose a server alienates the users from trying out Lemmy.
Yes you're right about that and it should be pointed out. Having to choose a server is unavoidable. Having multiple servers is one of the best features of lemmy and the fediverse. Putting effort in to explaining it in simple terms would help eliminate some of the confusion.
For example I am a pretty open-minded guy, but had a realization that my instance blocks some instances. I would definitely talk with lemmygrad users, just to get their perspectives of the world.
Since most instances block it by default, I opened an account there 🤷.
Would recommend having a chat with those guys, they're not as bad as they're being portrayed in most of the Lemmyverse.