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Tea parties are pretty awesome
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 16 Feb 2024
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I’m afab, but don’t feel like a woman. I recently immigrated to a country with a gendered language, and it feels almost like faking an accent to use feminine words to refer to myself- like I’m clearly misleading people, but in a mostly harmless way. I’m not sure if I’ll ever transition, but if I do, it won’t be because of me hating being inside my body, it will be because it feels more honest to those around me and I kinda feel like a scumbag “deceiving” them constantly.
I don’t really know much about trans theory, so I don’t know if there’s a good argument to convince you, but I think mine is a good reason to transition.
Afab? And yeah that's kinda my point, I want to do away with gendered language because it seems kinda pointless. And can you explain more about what you mean by deceiving people?
Assigned female at birth-in my case it means I’ve been treated like a woman my whole life and have a female body.
In a utopian world, there might not be gendered language (and the women I’ve talked to about it here mostly feel empowerment by it, so who knows), but I don’t live in that world. I don’t think it’s fair to put the burden of ending sexism on trans people before we transition (not that you were, but some do). Trans people are a pretty small part of the population and we’re having a tough enough time getting people to allow us to legally transition, we can’t change the culture ourselves, so we have to exist in a gendered culture (I also think it’s dumb, but I can’t make much of a difference there. As a basically still closeted trans person, I’m probably doing a lot to go against traditional gender roles though, on second thought).
It feels like when I introduce myself as a woman (or in this language use any adjective or noun to describe myself), it doesn’t feel true to me. I don’t know why (and I’m not planning on making any significant changes until I do), but it just feels like I’m hiding something when I suggest that I’m a woman.
I know that’s nebulous, but so is identity. I know women well: I have sisters and plenty of female friends and I’ve dated women. I don’t think I fit the model for how women relate to the world. I feel like my perspective is much closer to that of the men I know.
Weirdly, other people also don’t treat me completely like a woman either. No one’s ever spoken over me in a meeting (though I’ve occasionally seen it happen to other women in these meetings), I’m given heavy things to carry, and my bosses have mostly given me decision making power pretty early on. I have experienced sexism (and certainly the kind of sexual harassment that comes from existing in a city), but less so than other women seem to. I’m pretty tall and well spoken, but slim and baby-faced, so I don’t know how much can be attributed to my appearance.
I think appearance does impact this. I'm tallish (same height as average man here) and slim straight build, not the plush womanly figure and yes, people seem quicker to assume I am smart or strong than ladies who are shorter/busty/curvy. Which has got to be infuriating to be on the other side of.
I did read once that androgynous-ish people and those who disregard sex roles are happier, on average, than people who hold tightly to sex roles. Maybe this is part of why, we get treated more as a person than simply man or woman.
Assigned Female At Birth
Basically, what did the doctors guess your gender was going to be based on your genitals.
You were assigned a sex at birth. If you have female genitals, you're a female (the sex, not the gender). That's what gets assigned at birth. Doctors don't give a shit about gender, and do not assign it when you are born. Gender is a societal construct, and something you adopt as you age/learn. Sex is for the purposes of identifying you for paperwork/citizenship.
I really hate this prevailing idea in trans communities that doctors "gender" you at birth. They don't. They issue a classification of sex based on your genitalia for the purposes of identification.