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I'm a pedophile. AMA
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this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2024
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When discussing paedophilia, the primary focus should be on how to protect children.
I've always felt our discourse on paedophiles to be less about that, and more about punishing people who haven't done anything wrong.
I've always considered the adage; is it better to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature?
At the risk of comparing children to meat, I think being an ethical paedophile is similar to being vegan. You're controlling your selfish desires so you don't cause unnecessary suffering to another.
I don't have any questions for you OP. But good on you for being a good guy. I'm sorry your brain got wired wrong.
Hi there! I'm not OP, but I am also a pedophile.
I'm going to "yes, and" you on your first point there: the primary focus should be on protecting children, and one of the best ways to do that is by providing support to pedophiles. Many pedophiles discover their attractions between the ages of 12 and 17. Most of them never talk about it with anyone (I certainly didn't). According to research, this puts them at increased risk of commiting a contact offense against a child. It also I creases the risk of suicide. Many teen pedophiles kill themselves when they realize what they're attracted to. Getting support, either from a therapist or from anti-contact peers, diminishes those risks significantly.
You are correct that the way society is currently designed, a lot of the ways we "protect children" has nothing to do with protecting children and everything to do with persecuting pedophiles. Society would much rather have us incarcerated, or better yet dead. It would solve the problem of our existence pretty cleanly. But that's not realistic, and people only want that for the unknown boogeyman idea of a pedophile. Not for their son or daughter or cousin or parent or friend.
Your comparison to veganism is apt. Anti-contact MAPs are content with using ethical, non-harmful outlets that don't hurt anyone.
Thank you for your sympathy (you said to OP, put presumably to all pedophiles), but I'm not sad about what I am anymore. It's been a very painful journey, but it's shaped me into a very kind, empathetic, caring person. I am happy with who I am.
This may be a weird comparison but its just like with illegalizing drugs.
Putting people in jail for being sick is so fucked up and causes the opposite of whats wanted, plus the extra damage to innocent people
Yeah! It's similar, though not quite the same. We aren't sick, pedophilia isn't a mental illness. You can treat and cure drug addiction, but we aren't addicted to anything. We have a sexual attraction. Often, therapy looks like helping us to accept our attractions and ourselves for who we are. There may be other elements too, like victim empathy and things like that for pedophiles who struggle with impulse control, but on the whole it's acceptance. Many of us start out pretty revolted with our attractions just like an everyday teleiophile would if they suddenly woke up and found themselves attracted to children.
Sure thing - protecting children is the highest priority.
And currently, protecting children and helping us combat stigma go hand in hand. At the very least, in a part where we could open up about our issues without fear and get professional help if needed.
I, too, like the veganism analogy. As per "brain wired wrong" - previously I would refer to my situation just the same way, but when you live with it long enough, it becomes normal, and the curiosity sparks not on "why am I like this", but rather "why others are different". Regular people find children cute, beautiful, lovely. But then, when it comes to actually feeling something for them, people just don't. This always made me feel weird. But yes, your case is the norm, and ours is exception - probably for the better :)
What I'm saying wasn't to imply that there is a difference between protecting children and any other measure, but more about the primary focus for many people tends to be "all paedophiles get the noose".
A lot of things which may prevent real world harm are often not even considered because of the "ick factor". The way society views this issue is detrimental to child safety.
For what it's worth, my brain is wired wrong, I have ADHD. It's not to imply people with bad wiring deserve any less compassion. But people with bad wiring are suffering in their own ways, and they deserve professional help.
I get your points, thank you for additional clarification!