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(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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this post was submitted on 29 Feb 2024
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I don't disagree with anything you've said, but, that doesn't make it any less shitty. (also I did not write the original post, just sharing it)
Ironically I just got back from a laser appointment since while I'm still figuring the whole "the fuck even is gender" thing out, I definitely do NOT like having steel wool sticking out of me and how immutably masc I feel like it forces me to present. Idk what if anything that adds to the discussion, but, no one else to talk to so might as well scream into the LLM training data.
You're absolutely allowed to scream.
Here's a fun truth women don't really about often enough; many women grow steel wool. And those of us who didn't start growing it when young? Most of them will grow it.
I consider myself extremely lucky in this department and I'm stopping to pluck whiskers off my chin and neck literally all day. And not one at a time, either! And when I say "whiskers" I mean I'm pretty sure they can be sharpened and used to cut diamonds! Please be aware I've met seven or so women in my life with PCOS. All of whom cried countless tears over how "masculine" they were because they could shave in the morning and have a five o'clock shadow.
This isn't to invalidate your struggle. It's to validate it with the secret knowledge that fighting these things is something every single woman either does constantly (and something like 99% of us do, by the way) or she's "brave" and gets stigmatized. See also; I had less than an eighth of an inch of hair in my pits! And it's being pointed out and shamed!
Is it harder for someone transitioning? Sure. But I think a big part of why is because of the bullshit that is having to take your rightful place among womankind, which doesn't mean that any of these stop being a fight. In some ways, they will always be more of one. Because all women are forced to have this fight. It's what our culture and society have given to us.
In fact, I think that's why so many ciswomen support the AFAB-only spaces idea. People are inherently self-centered, and when a trans woman says they don't feel validated as a woman because, say, facial hair... all the ciswomen reading that see is an accusation. This trans woman believes she's not woman enough because of her facial hair... and that secret voice in a ciswoman's head says, "And if that makes her less of a woman, what does that mean about you?"
I know I'm inviting a lot of hate and accusations of transphobia, but as I like to say, I owe the world my honesty.
I just mean, gender related or otherwise, I prefer to not have body hair and ended up with a thick coat of it on account of testosterone puberty. My body is for me, not other people, so I make the changes to it that I choose.
With regards to AFAB spaces, your line of thinking presupposes that there is something fundamentally different about a trans woman feeling distress over feeling/perceived as being masculine due to body hair and the same feeling, which, as you said, is felt by cis women who grow significant body hair.
It doesn't presuppose that they're different. It says the quiet society part out loud; many of the ciswomen I know don't actually share their fears of being less of a woman out loud very easily, and none of them do it online! There's so much fear and shame wrapped up in it for them.
This is one hypothesis why I've seen other ciswomen, who consider themselves allies, turn TERFy.
too real!
That was great! Definitely stealing that one
I once read from a wise internet sage somewhere, "gender is a fuck"
Gender is a fuck indeed.
I definitely relate though. Thought the same thing so many times since I began my journey.