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Fellow auties, which do you find is a better and healthier fit for you: dating another autistic person or an NT? (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago by BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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I'm really confused about this. On one hand (โœ‹), I can see how dating an autistic person would be amazing because we would just understand each other on another level. We would get each other's emotions, meltdowns, joy, special interests, hyperfocus, communication style, etc. Also, there's no NT partner to miss whatever NT thing we don't bring to the relationship.

On the other hand (๐Ÿคš), we definitely have some deficiencies that NTs don't. Having an NT can help us regulate, keep us updated on social matters that we completely miss, take care of a baby that's wailing crying, and other strengths that we just don't have, while at the same time, we contribute with our own strengths that they don't have.

NTs, please feel free to contribute! Your opinion and experiences are important too ๐Ÿ™‚

I'd love to see a discussion on this topic. So what do you think?

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[-] weariedfae@lemmy.world 26 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yeah, here's the thing about dating another neurodivergent person: their needs may be exactly what your boundaries are. For example, someone who is completely touch averse pairing with someone who is touch seeking and rejection sensitive. And since they're not trying to be malicious but both of you are more or less intractable because you can only change or compromise on your needs through heavy and painful masking, it can be disastrous.

Also, neurodivergent people can be more ableist than allistic due to how they've internalized criticism and taught themselves to mask.

Now this is all situational and a neurotypical person can be the same way, which is why I say it really doesn't matter if you date a neurodivergent person or a neurotypical person. It's about finding a partner that can empathize and respects you.

this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2024
55 points (91.0% liked)

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