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this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2024
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Alien Covenant. After the flute scene I went out, fucking atrocity of a movie. Let's hope the new one is better, now that Scott isn't directing it.
Prometheus did it for me.
It already started out weird when humanity's first long distance space mission was apparently a luxury ship manned by gung-ho cowboys who seemingly had zero telescope or orbiter data, just flew their ginormous space-yacht around the planet's surface with apparently infinite fuel, then picked a random landing spot by eyeballing it.
Next two scientists -- who I assumed were top of their class and had worked hard to make the final selection to be on a mission to a planet assumed to hold the first signs of sentient alien life -- finally stumble upon signs of sentient alien life, then immediately have a mental health crisis because it doesn't mix with the gods and angels stuff they hold dear... that was enough for me.
I don't understand why they had to dig up the sorry science-vs-religion nonsense and even then pick such a shallow dead end that it's downright insulting. And the space jockeys that could have been extended with lots and lots of lore hints about mysterious alien civilizations in an interstellar war became, well, a blue bodybuilder instead.
yeah prometheus was also really bad. I'm not even mad that he made the movie at all, I still don't get why he had to force it into the alien universe.
If this would be a standalone sci-fi movie I wouldn't bother at all. It still would be a bad movie imho but at least it wouldn't shit all over a great horror franchise with all this unnecessary nonsense nobody asked for.
But then to direct a sequel and to ignore nearly everything he set up in the first bad movie just to center the story about a crazy android and also to force a bad alien remake in the last 20 minutes...this still leaves me speechless. That crucial story elements were also missing from the movie and instead were put on youtube is the cherry on this pile of shit.
I'm actually looking forward to the TV show. Noah Hawley is the perfect showrunner for such a project.
I really don't know if we need an Alien show and still can't imagine how that will work out, but I'm curious and since Timothy Olyphant joined the show I have to watch it. I just hope they focus in the actual alien, the lifecycle and maybe that whole evil coorperate stuff behind the scenes...I really don't want to have another show about Androids.
All copies of Prometheus and Covenant and everything in any way referencing them needs to be put in rockets and shot into the sun (I know that takes a lot of ∆v shut up, I want them destroyed), and we collectively as a species need to pretend they never existed. Based on how bad Napoleon turned out to be too, I think we may need to put Scott on one of the rockets. We'll just say he died of COVID.
Who the hell is "Slott"?
Danny.
Punk ass ruined Spider-Man.