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this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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I find that struggling to be on time is fine, actually not being on time is disrespectful of my time. In modern society we have so many options available to make sure we can keep on time. Set up alarms, time how long it takes you to get dressed and out the door, time how long it takes you to get somewhere, set alarms to keep you on time based on what you've actually measured, not what one "feels" is enough time.
Personally I'm more often than not 5+ minutes early; I can always wait a little more before I go in or something, it's often harder to "just get there faster".
BTW; if someone is late because of something outside their control that's fine; just make sure to inform me ASAP.
I think the core trait to look out for is willingness to work around personal issues. With time that might be an openness about your problems, at the very least. Maybe aiming for half an hour earlier, communicating status often and early. Fucking up is human, but not trying your best not to fuck up is a dick move.
I tried that. I've tried alarms, I've tried timing myself, none of it works for me. I'm at the point where the steps I try to take to be on time are actually detrimental to my mental health. It's why I've kinda given up on actually trying to be on time. It's not that I don't have respect for you, it's that I need to have respect for myself. I was putting so much stress on myself that I wasn't able to enjoy anything anymore. I was disconnecting myself from others because I was afraid of the fact that I couldn't be on time and how they'd react to it. I legitimately, truly, cannot help it.
I get the feeling from your response that you're not going to be happy and you're going to tell me that I'm just lazy, or that I'm irresponsible or inconsiderate. I'm very used to it. Sorry.
Why would I bother with calling you lazy or irresponsible or inconsiderate? If you were someone I knew I just wouldn't invite you to stuff after the first few times you don't show up on time. Whether people don't mean to be inconsiderate when showing up late doesn't matter to me, it's still not respecting my time and I simply don't want to deal with that after a few times. But you are just a random person on the internet whose being on time or not does not affect me at all. But I don't actually believe that you cannot help it at all. Doesn't mean I'm going to argue about it, that's your cross to bear and has no effect on me.
The solution for you might be to have all/most social stuff at your place so you don't have to deal with getting somewhere at a specific time.