I feel like the key is consistency and not confusing the message

This is me, except these are all different levels of small chance I might want to go when the time comes. If it falls through or there's not a slot for me at that point I won't be offended because I didn't commit, and once I commit I follow through

Maybe it's a source of friction with some people, but I'm not big on planning. It's just a constant weight around my neck, even if I want to go and know I'll enjoy it

I've got three weddings this year, and the first has been weighing on me since the Xmas before last (it's at the end of the summer), the second since I heard about the engagement this Xmas and started dreading immediately, and the last is this winter and had me locking up for days. And these are all ones I said yes to immediately, but still every time someone brings them up my heart races

If your friends are actually being honest with you about their feelings, don't plan around them. Give them a casual heads up, and another one when they need to make a decision and start planning.

If they say "I'll think about it" when they mean "I want to keep my options open, I might get FOMO if y'all do something without me", let them scramble to catch up... Draw a clear boundary that sucks less for everyone

If they actually mean it how I do, the relief when it comes down to the last minute to act and someone says "you don't have to go, it's totally fine, we'll hang out when we get back" is so real. It makes me want to meet them halfway, because if I know it's not a let down to back out on a warmer "ask me in a couple weeks", the stress goes down.

I get to think about it stress free for a bit and sit with the idea. I get to decide how much I want to go vs how much I don't want to do the things necessary to go