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this post was submitted on 05 May 2024
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I was born in 1987, sooooo, 36.5 years and counting....
I wasn't mature enough to be interested in finding a girlfriend in school, when I started being interested I got fat and balding.
Then it has now gone so long that I am worried about how an inexperienced virgin would be seen by women in their 30s/40s.
I have a good job, limited debt, own my apartment and my car, have decent finances, have lived alone for ten years so can take care of chores, pay bills, I am a decent cook (if lazy), I enjoy photography and simple adventures.
I am a bit insecure of my weight, but am trying to work on it when I can, I go swimming 3 times a week during periods when I can do that.
The main issue is that I don't know where to start finding someone.
Have you asked yourself wether it's truly something you want for yourself, or instead, perhaps a feeling that you're behind on some social benchmark? I ask because I'm 33 with a relatively similar experience, but when a woman I dated told me she thought I might be asexual, when I did the research and asked myself these questions I realized I was operating entirely on the supposition that I'm 'normal', and not that the urges to be in relationships and have sex likely stemmed from a perceived social obligation.
Once I realized that in my heart of hearts I've never actually experienced an urge to have sex with another person, I embraced an asexual identity. Without sex as a motivator, I soon realized I didn't even experience romantic attraction.
Some folks think this is sad, but in truth I'm so much happier and carefree, without the pressures to fit into a mold that doesn't actually fit me, much less the stresses of maintaining a relationship.
Ace gigachad.
That is a very good point, I have thought about it and mostly embraced the idea of never experiencing sex, and it sure is relaxing to just not worry about it.
On the other hand, I am quite lonely, I have few friends, and sometimes it is tough to deal with shit on my own.
Dealing with mycoplasma and pneumonia at the same time for one and a half months mostly on my own was not fun, even had to go to the hospital for that, and stayed two nights before starting to get better.
Sex for me would be interesting, I like learning how things work and with a partner who would be patient with me I think it would be quite enjoyable.
I know sex is a very important part of a relationship for many people, and I am mostly worried that I would be too disappointing in that area.
What I mainly am looking for in a relationship is companionship, I am getting tired of allways being alone, though I will concede that being single and living alone makes planning a breeze for the most part.
Finding likeminded people in yours 30s and 40s can be tough. I've had good luck meeting people at volunteer events that align with my hobbies/passion - for me it's IT so I go to repair events, but also go to local community cleanup days, food banks, etc. I'm sure there's something out there that works for your interests.
If volunteering isn't your cup of tea, try taking a class at community college! There's plenty of adult education courses that are mostly for fun and only last a few nights, like How to Make Pasta From Scratch, or How to Paint a Simple Oil Painting. They tend to draw a diverse crowd and it's easy to chat and make friends. And maybe there will be a spark!
Don't put too much pressure on your weight or baldness. That's exactly the type of guy that many folks are looking for. Don't wait until you fit your own idea of attractiveness to find someone who loves you for you!