Thank you all for the support yesterday. Reading your messages helped me feel so much better.

Yesterday one of my friends drove half an hour to go for a walk with me (which is more than bar guy would've ever done). Then we went to the shops and tried on clothes. Afterwards, we met up with a mutual friend and her friends. The friends were so nice. They gave me really nice hugs, made me punch pillows, talked to me empathetically, bought me KFC because I hadn't eaten all day, and then we drove to the beach. This experience has shown me that I can do so much better, as someone who hasn't had a good time socially.

Not getting closure in person and feeling the loss absolutely sucks. It's going to be sad for a bit. He didn't even fight for me! I had guys who I'd only been on a few dates with wanting to talk it out and try to problem solve. I should've left months ago at my first sign of doubt. But there's nothing I can do now. Now I know that I need to listen to what my body is telling me, because maybe it isn't all that shit. I shouldn't have to cry 30+ times just in a month because that is not normal (yep I have a crying tally whoops).

I also feel fucking relieved. Good riddance. I don't have to beg for someone to show up for me anymore.