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Why do arranged marriages persist in many cultures?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 11 May 2024
104 points (91.9% liked)
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Wow, look at those downvotes! I guess a lot of you guys think you're entitled to a wife wether she wants it or not lol
You guys do realize that an "arranged marriage" is not a matchmaking service, you just get stuck with someone you may possibly literally hate for the rest of your life lol
You're simply wrong. Arranged marriage is not a strict definition of no consent. In fact, a lot of the time the girl has the final say in going ahead after an initial exchange of photos and talking face to face, at least that's how it works in cities and urbanized areas.
The reason you have this myopic view is that you're misled into believing that arranged marriage is forced marriage by watching horror stories on the news. We all know the News cherrypicks for shock factor.
I have this view because the state I live in is still backwards enough that arranged marriages still happen here. I've known several people who ended up getting married this way and not a single one of them was happy about it.
You're still mixing up arranged marriage with forced marriage.
I think you are getting downvoted because you framed it in terms of ‘entitled to get a wife’. It it is usually similarly beneficial/problematic for both partners. I have a work colleague from India who is probably going to have a marriage arranged for him in the next year. It’s not something he particularly wants, but it’s traditional so he’ll probably go through with it. It doesn’t really feel like he is benefitting from the patriarchy 🙂
Except that "arranged marriage" is a matchmaking service in many cultures where both people need to agree to get married. And in many cultures, "arranged marriage" means both the man and the woman are forced to marry regardless of whether the man doesn't want it or the woman doesn't want it.
There are indeed cultures where "arranged marriages" only happen if the man consents and the woman's consent isn't considered.
I believe the downvotes are because of how many different meanings there are to "arranged marriage" and your comment implies that the only type of arranged marriage is the only man's consent and no woman consent version. Your follow up comment also implies that divorce isn't possible for arranged marriages, which, again, depends on the culture of the arranged marriage.
If both parties have a choice in the matter then that's not really an "arranged marriage" though is it? That's just dating and getting married.
As another comment on this post explains, in urban middle class India, "arranged marriages" are when your parents are a dating app and set up meetings with people and both people getting married need to consent.
Indians themselves, being a former British colony and thus speaking some degree of English, use those exact words. This isn't a translation of an Indian phrase or someone else labeling Indian marriages "arranged marriages". Middle class Indians split marriages into two categories. "Arranged marriages" and "love marriages".
"Love marriages" are when the partners themselves hit it off, date, and marry.
"Arranged marriages" for middle class indians are when the parents set up meetings, and if both partners agree, they get married. Not much dating with that one, just a couple of meetings, then get engaged for a year (can vary), then marry. Either partner can stop this process at any point. After marriage, legally, either party can file a divorce. This is less common and more frowned upon in older generations but legally quite possible.
For poor Indians in really rural areas, "arranged marriage" means something different. For them, both partners are forced to marry regardless of their wishes if their parents feel strongly enough about it. Legally, they have the same rights, but the societal pressure makes it effectively forced for them.
The above is true for all religions in India except Islam. Muslims have some weird special laws and seperate civil courts and law. The Quran states some laws about divorce and other stuff and there would have been more riots and protests during the government's formation if they weren't allowed to follow the Quran's laws. Some of these special laws have recently been banned, it's very complicated and I don't know much about the situation as I don't live in India.
I also have some Chinese friends whose idea of what an arranged marriage is is very similar to the Indian middle class.
And if both India and China have similar views on arranged marriage, I'm guessing that some parts of South East Asia also have similar ideas. That's easily over a quarter of the earth's idea of "arranged marriage".
The dating phase is often mostly skipped. Maybe a few months. It's straight from meet a handful of times to marry. That's what makes it "arranged".
I think you might be mixing up "forced marriages" with "arranged marriages".
Arranged marriage is not the same as forced marriage, even though the latter is often framed as the former.
Yeah I imagine it often is being stuck with someone