submitted 5 months ago by abadidonque@feddit.uk to c/dads@feddit.uk

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First born nipper of seven weeks is well for which I count my blessings. Fresh challenges for daddy though: I don't have the emotional and physical comfort from my girlfriend that I had become accustomed to. Obviously, she is looking after a baby for everything she's worth, with me right behind her. We're breastfeeding. Circumstances conspired for me to get away for a night out a week ago - for the first time - with my best friend and it was wonderful. I was a lot less stressed afterwards and had a lot more to give the next day. But it also reminded me of the time before we had our baby; fun, sex, freedom, all that jazz. We managed to have some rushed sexy time a few weeks ago (thanks grandpa), a couple of brief cuddles and a couple of limited heart-to-heart chats but really I feel like I'm basically just a cook, potwash, caretaker and babysitter. Whilst being hyper-focussed our baby, she also tries her best not to overload me, which I'm grateful for. But I'm not getting much love, care, understanding or respect from anywhere at the moment. Nice moments with my daughter just about keeps me in the game tbh. Do any of you recongnise this? Can you offer any light at the end of the tunnel, recommend what to do? I'm feeling very strapped in. Thanks

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[-] Hobbes_Dent@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

This is hindsight for me, not having understood this well enough at the time, but it takes a lot of time. I don’t think many of us fathers understand enough the compounded physical and mental tolls of gestation, birth, and the new lifestyle sans rest. She’s likely absolutely, existentially, exhausted.

It’s perhaps not that we are no longer a priority, but can’t be the first priority. We know that. You must already feel that you aren’t even your own number one priority. But there’s a time period that the baby and her own health take up all 24 hours. Nothing for it but time and good health and patience. Give and take on time away, which may look selfish but couples alone time just is fucking hard as new parents.

Trick is to simmer it good with things like helping, innuendo, etc. And last but very much not least, she probably feels like the most unattractive person on the planet and it’s manifesting in ways easily interpreted as avoiding you. But it’s not wanting to disgust you. I know, I know.

this post was submitted on 24 May 2024

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