I think we both are saying to same thing in different ways. I was just saying blaming someone or finding the source helps to start the healing. It is 100% up to the individual to take responsibility on how they treat people. My older brother has "daddy" issues and tends to blame not getting enough approval for being a mess up. I still blame my brother for not bettering himself since then. He's in his 40s.

Every generation has trauma they pass down in some way, both known and unknown ways. Most parents do their best and we are all human. We're bound to make mistakes. It is up to the individual to learn from them though.