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Why does “come here” bother me so much?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
388 points (91.6% liked)
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I think I get it, and maybe I'm wrong but it could be that you find it annoying because you don't know how to set up boundaries.
Basically if someone tells me to come here without telling me what's all about, and I don't want to go all the way there- I don't go. I just yell back at them, "what is it?" Until they tell me. If they don't, I don't go. If they insist, I can explain I'm either busy or don't feel like moving my lazy arse for something I don't know what is it about.
It took me a while to realize how fundamentally important boundaries were to my mental health and well being. It's super simple, so its often overlooked. It solves many many issues.
This is a good point. I try to set boundaries and unfortunately he’s committed to the “big reveal”. I know he’s one of those people who likes to “share” life. If he sees something fascinating, he wants me to experience the same fascination so it’s like a surprise. If it’s bad he wants me to feel the same horror he felt when he saw it. Warning me would negate the reveal. We have talked about it frequently and he doesn’t know why he does it, he understands how it could be stressful for me, but can’t seem to break his pattern.
I like some of the other suggestions better than this but if you've already tried communicating about it and other things haven't worked, I wonder if for some cases you could convince him to take a video or a picture. Like, if it's a cool thing he wants you to see instead of interrupting you record it and share it when you're available instead of right now, interrupting you. Again, I think the other proposals are better but I wonder... if you're right about the motivation at least sometimes being just wanting to share something it might be worth attempting.