You rock gibsy. I went on a job hunt last year and got knocked back or ignored by every application I sent. It knocked my self esteem and confidence really hard. You went to soooo fucking many interviews, and if your experience is anything like mine, probably sent in 10-20x more applications. I can't imagine going through that and still putting on a brave face and going into interviews with a positive outlook. To be completely honest, I think I would've shrivelled up and died.

You're a hell of a lot stronger than you realise, and if you were that confident with all of those rejections, you must be easily the most confident person on the planet ordinarily

Edit: also, I really really appreciate all of the comments and ideas you've left when I've shared what's been happening here. I hope that my bad days haven't brought your mood down, you deserve to celebrate and enjoy the moment