Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I've experienced has been attitude and personality.

Can confirm. Been part of local kink communities, and I've seen a few dudes about 2.5 steps up from the elephant man trimmed all to hell because dude had a great personality and knew how to use his implements. I don't consider myself to be the best looking, but I don't have any trouble for the same reason.

Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises.

In my experience, that's swinging parties, and to a lesser extent, the underlying culture in itself in a lot of places.

In a previous life, our local kink and swinging scenes shared a building with connected event spaces, and any time there were overlapping events, consent issues inevitably cropped up. We constantly had complaints about people grabbing others or walking into scenes (and we had to not laugh when they inevitably got hit and complained about their lack of situational awareness).