I might've mentioned this before, but maybe I haven't; regardless, I'm an engineering researcher and, right now, I'm working in the field of extraterrestrial construction. Like, on the moon and mars, that kind of thing.

I have no clue if that sounds interesting or weird or whatever, but I'm very neutral on it. It's cool

to some extent

but at the same time it's just a research field; there's no guarantee this is going to go anywhere. More likely than not, it won't go anywhere. Whatever the case, I am thinking of what pathways there are for when I graduate, as I'm getting my PhD, right now. The big one is a job at the ESA. That one seems incredibly unlikely and terribly far-fetched, but maybe, right?

When I think about the future like this, I'm always left at a crossroads. I see my life going in so many different directions; or rather, I can think of so many different directions I could make my life go. I'm not sure if the ESA is a possibility at all, not at this point, but what if, right?

Then I find myself thinking about all sorts of things. It's overwhelming.

I think this might be because, at the end of the day, I know where I want to get. I know the goal. All of this is just the path, and I really don't care about the path, as long as it gets me where I want to go. It feels weird to think about "uprooting" my life to move cities so I can get my PhD and then "uproot" my life again to move to France or something to work at the ESA and then "uproot" my life again to finally retire.

I feel so silly talking about this.