Asklemmy

Not a financial advisor so take my answer with a massive chunk of salt.

My suggestion would be to get a joint account. If you are comfortable paying all the bills you can also have it overdraft to your account in case of emergencies. The move money into it monthly for bills. I would round up on your bills so you could build a little nest egg at the same time. You move everything that you have been paying into it. And ask her to move what she can into it. If she feels comfortable paying 50%, then do that. If things go sideways, split any extra money by the percentage she is paying. Then if things do go sideways then you can take your piece and have a nice vacation. If they don’t, you have nice rainy day fund.

A few elements you left out is how compatible your housework stuff is and what she was paying before. She should absolutely not be paying more than half in total of what she was before all said and done and going up to that amount is bs as well. Look at it this way. If she had a roommate that is amount she would pay anyway. Maybe your place is better but given you guys are a couple it should be nicer for her than just that. If your place is better thats a bonus. With groceries I think you should just buy independently and a lot depends on who cooks. If one person is cooking more often then the other person should make it a point to get as much of the shared groceries as they can. This is getting to the housework. I remember talking with a friend and he had a thing with his girlfriend because he vacuumed once a month and she did once a week. He felt he should still do once a month as she still ends up doing it less but gets the same effect while he is doing it the same amount as he would on his own. Things get complicated when you live with family or a significant other and you want to make sure its a good deal for them as well as yourself and presumably you have a lifestyle that tends to spend 30% more or at least potentially can. I would make sure you are at least paying 30% more than her every month. Anyway Im more giving you food for thought than a hard and fast answer but tldr is make sure she pays less than 50% of what her expenses were before and further that your monthly costs are 30% higher however that works out. On a personal note I like simplicity so if it worked out to not be to much I would be tempted to just ask her to carry all the utilities and then do the independent grocery thing. Its less work for you if she gets and pays the utilities and you don't have to shuffle money back and forth which can feel a bit weird.

My gf and I bought a house. The mortgage is 50/50, as we both own the house. All the other costs are divided according to our pay. I earn a bit more than she does so I take about 60 percent and she about 40.

Of course your situation is a bit different seeing as how you would be paying off your mortgage, so you could do the mortgage according to pay as well or smth. The important bit is you figure out something you are both comfortable with to prevent any resentment in the future.

If you want her to pay half of the mortgage it has to be half in her name as well. That should be obvious unless youve already paid the majority off.

Regardless money complicates relationships and at a point in your relationship half your income will become hers and half hers yours, dependent only on where you live.

lol my wife will leave if I told to pay a cent

If she has to pay for it then she can bring anyone she wishes into her apartment ... with payment come rights.