I wish them the eternal feeling that they need to poop really badly that goes away with a tiny fart when they sit on the toilet. When they do finally poop, I hope it's uncomfortably girthy and sharp to the point of being paralyzing and it only happens when the nurse calls them back into the doctor's office for their appointment to address this exact issue. Then, I hope every car they get into to go home and clean themselves off has a dodgy throttle and only blasts hot, humid air.

I kinda wish they would do a joint-Dateline type treatment but also investigate what kind of people and circumstances outside of all this that lead to such nonsense-factories....

Edit: sorta like HBOs the telemarketers, that kinda deal

It called "offensive security" in infosec circles.

Legality is hazy to poor, so most orgs wont admit to doing it, but this is far from the first group willing to huck a few rocks back.