Ask Lemmy

I came into this thread thinking I'd just post "Uhh, it was pretty nice?"

Then I read the post text. Jesus fuck.

The other comments are probably right, no real point in doing anything but ignoring them. But goddamn, my first instinct would be to try and call them out on that bullshit attitude. No way am I clever enough to do it effectively, though.

Clearly you're missing some huge hairy balls, what type of man takes time off work to be with their family!?

(/s if it wasn't obvious)

Would you be happier doing what those people did? I don't think so. But they might have been happier doing it that way. You do you, you've earned it! Enjoy the extra time with your family, you may not get another chance like this for a long time!

People who brag about going to work deserve to die at their desks. Godspeed taking care of your newborn and your spouse.

I've seen my coworkers take paternity leave, which I think is like 8 weeks where I work.

Generally, they've staggered it with their spouse so that one parent is working and the other on child care, rather than both being out over the same window. Typically the Dad's have taken their leave a couple months after the baby is born when Mom is returning to work. It keeps the baby out of daycare for as long as possible.

My manager is on paternaty leave for half a year, it is normal here, he is a dad after all!

You are missing better coworkers, or coworkers who haven't succumbed to the stupid idea that working yourself to the bone for someone else's profit is good.

"Men are hard working" my ass. Taking care of kids is hard work and if they can't understand that, their social conditioning worked exactly as expected.

Yeah, it's a no brainier for me too. The whole "men don't take leave!" sounds awfully convenient for businesses. But providing for your significant other should be more than just providing money.

I was the first in my workplace to take paternity leave when it became law in my state. I didn't take it in one chunk, but used every single day I was entitled to. I got many similar comments as you from older guys, and I believe they came from a place of jealousy at worst and self-rationalization at best, since those people weren't afforded the same rights when they had kids.

Pay then no attention, the first few months as a dad to a new kid are some of the most important and precious moments you'll ever have, and if you miss them you will never ever get a do over. Take every second you can without an ounce of shame.

You may also find yourself setting an example, as I noticed none of the new Dads in my workplace after me had any reservations about taking their full leave, and I work in construction with some needlessly macho guys.

In my work environment (in the US), people have roughly this much paternity leave, and it is taken for granted that they will take it because this is viewed as important even if their absence during this time inconveniences the rest of us. They often split it up, though, instead of taking it in a single contiguous chunk.

I'll be getting 20 days time off and on top of that I can choose between 4 months of time off if I so wish.

Other options are 1 day off for 20 months or half a day off for 40 months.

The thing I'm truly desiring from this is that the flemish government is protecting me from being fired the moment I request this extra parental leave.

If they cannot prove that they fire me for good reasons, then they'll have to pay me 6 months wage on top of the rest.

So if they are going to downsize, or whatever, they'll be less prone to pick me.

I'll take either the 20 or 40 months on this one.

My wife doesn't have a choice, she's 7 weeks pregnant now. Taking off work until 1 June. Then maternity leave starting 1 august (is what her HR said, even though internet says 6 weeks instead of 12, but perhaps it's cuz it's a physical job) until 15 weeks after the birth.

Personally I will do anything I can to make sure we have a long term source of income.

Keeping a good relationship with the place that pays me my wage will be beneficial.

I'll take a bulk of 1 or 2 weeks of paternal leave when the baby is born. Take one day off afterwards for 2 years.

My company does 16 weeks of fully paid paternity. I'm taking 9 weeks at the beginning and breaking up the rest over the year to help with this or that.

I am a little concerned as to what my job will look like when I get back especially with the political climate. But at the end of the day that isn't what is most inorganic to me. My family is.

Spending the first 2 month of my child's life with them was one of the best things in my life.

I worked during my mom's last months of life while taking care of her because the company allowed me to fully work from home, no question asked if I was available ok, if I wasn't ok too. And I brag about that. Otherwise I would have taken a sick leave to take care of my mom (which my country allows), but working gave me a good, I don't know how to say, sometimes when I had work and my mom didn't need me I didn't think about the situation and that was nice.

People should make use of their rights, although in my case I found a compromise that, in my opinion, benefited me; but this company gained my loyalty for the time being.

Like mat leave I don’t really think about it, to me it’s just assumed

I think it’s an important time and should be available to any working American without exception. When my first child was born, I remember asking HR about paternity leave and their deadpan response was “how many vacation days do you have?” Disgusting.

I had 8 weeks fully paid through use of accrued PTO. 8 weeks is about the minimum of paternity leave necessary to kind of get your life back into order imo. This isn't a vacation, it's taking full care of a little person that needs help every 2-3 hours. If both you and your partner work it would be impossible without leave just due to sleep depravation. Our first kid was (is still 4 years later) a terrible sleeper and the first few months were hell. Luckily our second is actually a better sleeper than the first right now and she's only 8 months old lol.

But yes, 12 weeks paternity is not a vacation, it is work. Plan for 12 weeks and if you think that you have everything sorted then great, go back. But daycare might be more than what you would make going back to full pay so just consider that too.

All countries should give one year of paternity leave. I do believe though there needs to be a cool down period of a year and a half because then you would have people that just have five in a row taking advantage.

In Sweden, we have 16 months of parental that can be split between parents.

Nurses do house check-ups for the first few months and it's great for both parents to ask questions and get advice.

These guys who have the option but decline caring for thier family sound like shitty partners/dad's

I had both my kids before this existed. I would have killed to have 12 weeks paid off to be with my new family. Getting exactly zero days off when you are a new dad SUCKS.

Enjoy your leave. You obviously have the sense to know that you are taking it for: your wife, your child and your mental health. You will give your family a better head start. Corporate won't notice. If they are going to fire you, they'll do it even if you had spent the time period working double overtime instead of being on leave.

the us serious lacking the amount of leave you need, or makes its super-convoluted.

Don't feel bad. I'm a man in the USA working in a corporate office. When my son was born I took my time off and it was fantastic for bonding with my son and helping my wife out. Honestly IDK how so many women do it alone.

I'd feel worse about making my wife work extra hard than my colleagues... That said, the person covering my area screwed everything up so badly I decided it was better to find a new job vs fix it. So I took my three months, worked a week and put in my notice and got paid out for another two months of accrued leave.

You are absolutely right! 85% is nice money and especially in the first months it's super important to spend time with your new born and to support the mother.

And for all those fuckers who think that you "aren't working" in this time... Well, get a child and take care of it. It's way harder than you think. You will see, it's gonna be a hard but also rewarding time. My second daughter is now 3 months... And boy, to see everything that is happening within 3 months. It's unbelievable and makes me so happy.

You're on the right path.

Yeah probably as always only a matter of perspective. Don't listen to other men, just do what feels right for yourself.

I took a solid 9 months paternity leave with my son, and I think we just built the best base for a father son relationship I could ever imagine or hope to have. I know they don't seem like it as a baby, but you are building your foundation already.

This was 3 years ago and I still feel the outcome of it every day.

Go for it , be yourself, don't listen to others.