this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] demizerone@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

I had multiple women tell me they want to fuck in high school and I was so dumb to not get the message. One was basically jumping on my dick. I masturbated to some of these ladies for years until I eventually lost my virginity when I was 24. I hated myself for many years for not getting the message. πŸ˜‚

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 69 points 1 day ago

When I was like 18 I brought a girl to my house while my family were away for the weekend. I wasn't intending to do anything with her, I'd just invited her over for some company as we'd be speaking for a couple of months and had already been out a few times together but not exactly on "dates".

Anyway, I ordered some pizza and put on a movie. Next thing I know, she's cuddling into me and I'm stroking her hair. At one point she is laying across my lap gazing up at me.

I didn't fucking kiss her because I'm a damn idiot who couldn't take the hint. She couldn't have made it more obvious that she was waiting for me to make the move. I'm not autistic myself, just a regular moron.

We gradually stopped talking after that night. I blew my chance. Shit still bothers me years later. She was super sweet and pretty. Best girlfriend I never had.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

look her up now. she's probably doing not good and it's your fault basically

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or she's doing fine and has gotten ugly.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 5 hours ago

4 healthy kids and a different shaped head than before

[–] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 53 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Did 4 Chan just accidentally use the term "autistic" correctly?

Anon is highly regarded in his field

[–] metaStatic@kbin.earth 46 points 1 day ago

What are you doing this weekend

Nothing

... ok

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 22 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Come now anon, no permanent harm. Go ask somebody out today to make up for it.

Shots you didn’t take then; Shots you don’t take now.

[–] Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

no permanent harm

That’s where you’re wrong, buster 😎

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Something something Wayne Gretzky

[–] Pothetato@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

You take 100% of the shots that caused your autism

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Its great being reminded life is hell haha

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 9 points 1 day ago

Haha πŸ₯²

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

So what would you say?

I would assume it was bait. I'd respond something like, "SchrΓΆdinger's cat is both alive and dead until you look in the box."

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No one has ever turned me down for a date. You?

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Good for you. Definitely had rejections. Sometimes we didn't match, sometimes I was the asshole (realised after), sometimes they were.

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Bait for what? Perhaps I am simply old, but why is it so unthinkable that a girl would think you are cute?

In high school I would have people ask me out. If you say yes, what a fucking loser you thought I was serious? If you say no, then you're gay and you should kill yourself. It's funny because you can see the divide in this thread between people fucked up by high school and people who find getting fucked up by high school unthinkable

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Bait for embarrassing the person. It depends on the person and context. I was often teased like this by people in school because I was quite susceptible to emotional manipulation. The note is not asking the person out. The note is asking for a reaction to a hypothetical situation without any commitment to actually asking. The intelligent reply is an equally indecisive hypothetical response saying "if you're uncommitted, so am I, try again" while also protecting from the potential for a trap. Plus if the person does not have the depth to understand the volley, the answer is a solid no.

[–] EddoWagt@feddit.nl 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would also assume it was bait, some people are assholes and I'd be insecure in a moment like that

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

There have been times in my life when I would be insecure as well, but with some hindsight I realize that if someone really was going to be an asshole to me in a moment like that, it says a lot more about them than it does me. I lose more by being guarded than by being open. I do remember those times, and my heart hurts for anyone who's going through the same thing.

The question was rhetorical. You're a catch. It's okay to be shy but allowing yourself to be vulnerable is how you find the people who are worth your time.

This is not a mere greentext.

I feel actual evil. Just why.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

user is typing a message

And this continues for a whole week as I start writing something then delete it and start over.

[–] Krik@lemmy.dbzer0.com -3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"If"? What kind of question is that? You either want to go out or you don't.

I think you dodged a bullet there.

It's just a way of preventing direct rejection. If I ask you out and you say no, you're rejecting me and I feel bad. If I ask a hypothetical and you say no, you rejected the hypothetical, not me.

It's stupid, but sometimes that helps people work up the courage.