this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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Off My Chest

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I don’t know where to put this.

I’m a bicurious/hetero young white woman with Christian white parents. My dad found out I support gay rights despite identifying as straight. He didn’t really like that I have a Hispanic fiancé (he was okay with it, but he was like “you could do better, come on.”)

He called me a “leftist lib” because I support interracial marriages, gay marriages, trans rights, etc. How can you use supporting these things an insult though??

I also really want acceptance as someone who is neurodivergent and has seen neurodivergent people and minorities be bullied/discriminated against and also has been bullied themself.

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[–] EightBitBlood@lemmy.world 22 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe remind him that leftist libs are Americans, and if he was too, he'd be defending your right to say anything no matter how he feels about it.

If he isn't tolerant, he isn't American. Out patriot his ass with the lessons he grew up with instead of the ones baked into him from Fox News.

[–] Goretantath@lemm.ee 2 points 2 hours ago

This is the way. The "right" aren't true Americans according to the history books.

[–] AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works 52 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

If your father is using those words as an insult, he is probably a maga or close. Being leftist is only an insult if you are an empathy-lacking rightwinger that sees people defending human rights as an enemy; be it because they've been brainwashed or because they are evil.

In any case, be proud, if a maga sees you as a leftist, it means you are a threat to the fascism they want to bring to the world. And my advice is to not seek acceptance from them too hard, chances are they are white supremacists not caring for anything remotely "different". Acceptance comes from people capable of empathising, and magas are... not ready for that.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 7 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

He is indeed MAGA(?) but does not agree with certain talking points. He only is MAGA/right because he doesn’t like the left.

[–] AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works 23 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

Many magas don't agree with all of trump's talking points (ask any of them how do they like tariffs and you'll see) but they are brought together by hatred towards "the other". It's hate that fuels them so there's no point expecting them to understand basic concepts such as lgbt+ rights being human rights.

I too am neurodivergent (autistic to be accurate) and I have hidden it from my parents because I got diagnosed at middle age since they didn't want to hear about it because they wanted a "normal" kid. I tried to talk to my father about this and. radicalized as he is towards fascism, he just dismisses it every time saying that autistic people are (his words, not mine) "subnormal" and "retarded". 20 years ago, although right leaning, he was reasonable, now, thanks to facebook and the likes, he's a rightwing drone that only thinks what media tells him to. I now only talk to him once every few months, I have made my mind around the fact that he is a lost cause.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 8 points 8 hours ago

I hate their views on autistic people so much.

[–] pdxfed@lemmy.world 9 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe ask him how he feels that his vote is enabling fascism and that he's been led down a path? Tell him you'll accept him calling you as a leftist as an insult if he'll watch this clip the US DOD put out to help Americans identify fascism after WWII. As him if he can honestly say he doesn't feel like a sucker for allowing fascism to take root?

https://youtu.be/vGAqYNFQdZ4

Any time he brings up your politics call him a sucker. See if he can't start working his brain a bit to get out from under it over time, or at least see some of the gaping holes in his view.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 6 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (2 children)

He thinks everything not supporting his “side” is fake and left-wing propaganda. I dated someone like that, actually. Didn’t go well but they became very leftist.

[–] entwine413@lemm.ee 11 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Your dad is a member of a cult. It's fully possible that he'll never change.

One thing to remember is that you have absolutely no obligation to keep family members in your life. I haven't spoken to my father since Trump won the election.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 5 points 8 hours ago

I’ve not spoken to him since he moved to a hotel

[–] pdxfed@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

Yeah, it's super important for systems that are irrational or benefit some groups more than others, to discourage education, questioning, and substantive debate; they know they would lose. Most religions are like this.

[–] Keeponstalin@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago

Does he think the left is the Democratic Party?

[–] ryrybang@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago

He only is MAGA/right because he doesn’t like the left.

That's a major defining tenet of being a maga, possibly the most important one. Hurting the left and/or others they perceive as different is what brings them together.

[–] GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee 33 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

To conservatives, it's about tribalism. If you're in, then you're good. If you're out, then you're bad. Your father is saying you're not part of the in-crowd, thus are bad.

IMO, you shouldn't argue with him, either take it as a compliment "yeah, thanks. I do think people should be treated humanely" or go ridiculous "yes! Abolish the state! No private property! Anarchy! Burn it all down!"

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 10 points 8 hours ago

“You’re either with us or against us!”

I will do the second one 😆

[–] Forester@pawb.social 10 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

Tell him to read John 7

“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged. And with the measure you use, it will be measured again for you.

3 “And why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the log that is in your own eye?"

Then remind him that Christ voluntarily hung out with whores, tax collectors, thieves, and societies, dregs and rejects. This wasn't someone who buddy buddied with the leaders of the church but actively questioned the authority of them and defamed them.

If you want a real argument, tell him he should stop worshiping Paul and start worshiping Jesus.

[–] Soliae@lemm.ee 22 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Old lady here. Neurodivergent also. Let me share some of what I have learned.

People like your father are, simply put, radicalized by right wing propagandists. Maybe he was a good person at some point in his life, but the propaganda is a tool for brainwashing- he isn’t the person he may once have been. And he probably will never be, again.

To that group, compassion and kindness are considered bad. For this reason, I ask that you use extreme caution and understand that your dad may believe there is ”honor” in hurting you or those you care about. This is a very real possibility and I encourage you to find safe shelter elsewhere, if possible.

If you need help, let us know. Please do not trust this man anymore. I know it’s hard when it is our parents, but many of us have gone through this already and know the process.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 10 points 8 hours ago

Dad has NPD. I will not trust him at all and I don’t even talk to him much anymore since he started staying in a hotel 30min away.

[–] Cort@lemmy.world 13 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Call him a Chino (Christian in name only) real Christians love their neighbor as they love themselves.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 4 points 4 hours ago

Well, the very girl who bullied me in middle school happened to be a devout Christian. (Chino)

[–] peto@lemm.ee 7 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Calling someone a liberal when they are leftist is pretty insulting, even fighting words in some company. Though probably not in the way he intended. Many leftists consider liberals to be at best, placing their personal comfort over the need to take action, and at worst as complicit in and defensive of the structures as any fascist. An 'I cant believe it's not facisim' kind of margarine.

Being called a leftist is only an insult if you base your politics on cruelty and hatred. And for such people the idea that you might think about someone else just doesn't compute.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this, it is hard when we realise that our parents are not good people. Especially if they generally treat you well. And often these are the same people who first taught us the basic principles that matured into leftism. To share. To act kindly and be considerate. To tell the truth. To do what is right, not what everyone else is doing.

I'd like to say here is a step by step guide to help your father, but if there is one I don't know anyone who has seen it.

[–] relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club 5 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Calling someone a liberal when they are leftist is pretty insulting, even fighting words in some company

I didn’t know this, actually. Thanks!

Being called a leftist is only an insult if you base your politics on cruelty and hatred. And for such people the idea that you might think about someone else just doesn’t compute.

Very true. My father also is a narcissist, which is not to say narcissists can’t be good people with good intentions, but he is not one of them.

I’m sorry you are having to go through this, it is hard when we realise that our parents are not good people. Especially if they generally treat you well. And often these are the same people who first taught us the basic principles that matured into leftism. To share. To act kindly and be considerate. To tell the truth. To do what is right, not what everyone else is doing.

Thank you. 🫂 I completely agree.

[–] Photuris@lemmy.ml 5 points 7 hours ago

Ask him “what would Jesus do?”

Your father is a bad person.

[–] AuroraGlamour@lemmy.ml 4 points 8 hours ago

You remind me a lot of a character from a show that has a similar situation. Hayley from “American Dad!”. In the show, the dad is a narcissistic Republican with a left-wing daughter Hayley who disagrees with all his views and is basically his foil.