depression_now!

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This community is for people with depression. Memes and general discussion about depression are encouraged and welcome.

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Took Lorazepam + xanax + alchol, am I risking my life? (feddit.it)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dontblink@feddit.it to c/depression_now@lemmy.world

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Xanax was something like 2mg, lexotan 2.5 mg i suppose, and a glass of strong wine.. I am feeling really relaxed, like nothing matters and sleepy, but am I really in danger?

It's hard to walk straight and I kinda am forgetting what I am doing along the way.. Yesterday evening I also took another 2mg of xanax and then smoke DMT which did nothing except make me more aware of the mess I was living in.

I don't think I care if I die but I just don't want to suffer

Update 1: added another 15 drops of lexotan, it's kinda getting hard keeping count, it is 2.5mg/ml, how many drops is an ml? Should I really care? How does respiratory arrest feels like? Will I suffer? Or just fall asleep? I suppose benzos will at least ease out the pain.

Update 2: woke up a couple of hors later, taking more lexotan and see if I can lead myself to tomorrow's

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[–] Fecundpossum@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As someone who lived through depression and abused drugs, in the same way you have been, in the past, I have an important message for you.

The drugs compound and reinforce your depression. The pit gets deeper and darker the longer you languish in it. You won’t have the tools to climb out until you put down the intoxicants.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel. It took me until my mid 30s to stop drinking and drugging myself to death. Plenty of mornings where I probably shouldn’t have woken up from the cocktail I consumed the night before. Six years of sobriety later, and I have a wonderful partner, friends that actually care about me. A career that is stable because I am stable.

I’m not going to beg you not to hurt yourself, it’s your life and you can do what you want with it. But you can choose to be better than this. it is equal parts self-determination, and relying on supportive communities that will help you. If you would like help finding a narcotics anonymous or alcoholics anonymous chapter near you, DM me and I’ll do what I can.

[–] dontblink@feddit.it 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

How did you do?

I've been in therapy 5 years and it did nothing

Anyway I'm still alive after xanax+lexotan+ketamine+alcohol

Just nauseated and with a long lasting hiccup and sadness for being still alive

[–] Fecundpossum@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For me? It was consequences. Having friends and lovers give up on me because I was a trainwreck. Losing jobs. My life kept getting worse, and I knew I had to stop eventually.

One day I just said enough is enough. I was tired of being mentally and emotionally weak and decided to fight for a better life for myself. I’ve done therapy, but therapy is just supplemental. If you haven’t made the decision to take action and responsibility for your own life, therapy is useless.

[–] dontblink@feddit.it 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I did the same, but for whatever reason it never seems to stick for me, I always get to a point in which I'm a train completely incapable of escaping and controlling certain feelings. It's not just that I was depressed once, helped myself out, came out stronger and now I know how to be out of it, it's mostly that I can get depressed periodically, super skilled on getting out, but then falling right back into it, which means restarting everything again, my whole identity gets destroyed and I end up not knowing who I am. Which means it requires every single time a super harsh work which I'm tired of doing. That's why I attempted taking my life yestarday...

[–] Fecundpossum@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I wish you the best of luck. I don’t have much more advice, because it’s all so personal to each individual. If you’re young, sometimes I think it gets easier with age and experience. Therapy, and groups like NA/AA can be really helpful.

A lot of people think NA/AA are just about putting down the booze and drugs, but there’s a lot more to it than that. You’re taking inventory of yourself, and actively trying to be a better and more whole person. Everyone’s walk is different, but it can put you into contact with people that have had the same struggles, people that have seen the same dark places you’ve seen. There’s hope out there and I hope you can find some of it.

[–] dontblink@feddit.it 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thank you so much, the funny thing is that all the year round usually I,'m an healthy freak, hitting the pool 4 times a week, doing yoga and cycling to work everyday, sometimes I run, eat an healthy vegetarian diet..

But as I said if I derail, I derail really a lot and everything gets completely stripped out of me.

[–] Fecundpossum@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

I think you can overcome it. It won’t be overnight, but if you give up the drugs and find a community of people living intentionally and trying to improve themselves, you’ll have a lot more tools to live better than you’d have on your own.

[–] sxan@midwest.social 3 points 1 month ago

Only: make decisions about killing yourself when you're sober, not when you're twisted.

Sounds more like you're sliding down a slope and not interested in stopping. Worst case scenario, you don't die but suffer brain damage from lack of oxygen. That's what I'd be most concerned about.