I note that in the comments you acknowledge that point #1 doesn't exist.

I had a similar set of criteria to you. I settled on the Epson Ecotank. No complaints so far. It has wifi but I never turned that on, I connect it to my (linux) laptop with a USB cable.

Some printers are programmed to stop working after a certain number of prints. I hope this isn't one of them.

The closest thing you're likely to get is a black and white Brother laser.

It's as open as a printer is likely to ever be in terms of driver support, the availability of parts is reasonable, and you plug the thing in via USB and then forget it exists until you need to print something.

I have a 2300D I've had for most of a decade now and the only thing I've had to do is put paper in it.

I swear by Brother printers. They work well with open source software. Older ones are dumb as a rock and it's easy to find toner for them. They're also workhorses.

Did we ever find out what Rage Against the Machine was raging against? I think it was a printer.

This joke was stolen.

I would NEVER recommend a modern HP printer, but...I have a HP Laserjet 4000 (Circa 1997) that I 'acquired' from the company I worked for that went bankrupt.

This thing refuses to die. current impression count is over 500,000 prints. All its patents expired over a decade ago, and it's still easy to find parts and toner (originals, and now even 3rd party knockoffs). It's old enough now that modern generic drivers have built in support for it. The only parts I've ever had to replace are the rubber sheet feeder rollers which dry out and stop working correctly after 12-15 years.

So, I guess the point here is that some really solid printers were made a couple decades ago, back when manufacturers still took pride in their products, and they are old enough that the hardware is no longer protected by patents (so practically open) and robust driver support without all the bullshit. Picking up something from this era and cleaning it up would come close to satisfying a lot of your requirements.

Never went wrong with a Brother laser printer.

Like others have mentioned, black & white Brother laser printers are the way to go. No bloated software, lasts forever, no fussy ink situations, etc.

Over the past 30 years, technology has taken extensive leaps forward. Except for printers and printer drivers. Still stuck in 1990.

People who run printer companies should be incarcerated and forced to hand copy the source code of the linux kernel with a very small pencil.

Several years ago, I decided to finally buy an all-in-one so I could print my favorite photos and do some scanning. I did what I thought to be pretty adequate research to find a model where the ink wasn't too expensive. It was Epson x-something.

Printed a few pictures but then, foolishly allowed to update software.

After that, it doesn't scan (scan!!) if one of the inks is low. When I bought it I thought, if nothing else I will have a scanner. Wrong!

It turned out to be impossible to obtain the epson ink cartridges. No retail location near me sold them. Not on amazon. They sold it on the epson website. I ordered some. When the delivery came I was at work. So what this shipping company does is leaves a note saying "you can pick up your parcel at our facility" with an address that was miles away from my house in an industrial park hardly served by public transit. They were only open during business hours so I would have had to book a day off work and the google maps estimate was >3 hours round trip. I don't even think I ever got a refund for the package which sat at the courier for 2 weeks and got returned to epson.

At the time I bought the printer, it was possible to use 3rd party ink. However their "security update" robustly protected against this. I had intended to buy the epson ink but I was never able to. So I tried 3rd party. It didn't work, the printer wouldn't use it because it could tell it was not epson brand.

There was no way to do a factory reset on the device, which IMHO is crazy for all kinds of reasons. The ink vendors had stuff up about how you could use some closed-source hack tool to force it to down grade. It primarily ran on windows which I don't have. Also it seemed to me that the application could be doing literally anything to the printer, it was mysterious. I tried some things I read about how to force it to return to original hardware but it never worked.

I spent sooo much time researching, troubleshooting, reading on forums, shopping etc. And some money, I think about $100-150. What I got for it was a half dozen prints, mostly testing out how the printer worked. 2 of these were worth keeping in any respect so I have 2 photos that costed >$50 and many hours of work each. After a few years I gave up and threw it out.

I gave up years ago. The best printer is pay by the page at your local office or FedEx ofc. Unless your printing and scanning constantly, every printer ends up being more expensive or frustrating.

Point 1 doesn't exist.

I've had a great experience with my Okidata MC362w. It's a color Laser jet multifunction printer. I've had it for about a decade. I get non OEM toner from a reputable source at great prices.

I wish there was a 2D printing community like for 3D printing where you could build your own printer and run it off a Raspberry pi.

I have the HP Color LaserJet Pro M255dw I love it. I got it new last year. Sure its been complaining about low toner for 90% of that time but it still prints and they look great. I don’t have hp software installed, I have the wifi turned off and just use the ethernet hookup. airprint from my phone works great also. Its never once refused to print because one of the toner colors are empty. Sure it complains but it still prints. I can’t say the same for any inkjet I have ever owned.

Never buy consumer grade printers. If the ink is more expensive than the printer you are going to get hosed in the long run.

I had a brother laser before but it pulled so much current at warm up that it caused a brown out that tripped all the ups’s in the house.

I

I like my canon with the megatank. No more cartridges. You can buy cheap 3rd party inks and refill when needed. It’s not open source but the drivers aren’t invasive. It has wifi but I didn’t set it up and just use usb.

old dell printer

epson dot matrix.. used to be used to print carbons for medical billing all over the place.. i wonder if those are still a viable solution.. they tick all your boxes as the drivers were incredibly simple/generic.