this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2025
53 points (100.0% liked)

Transfem

4351 readers
425 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

Some helpful links:

Support Hotlines:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
53
I hate being trans (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) by MystValkyrie@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

I wish this wasn't my lot in life. I didn't wake up one day and choose this. I identify with being a woman and feel weighed down by being trans and wish that part of me didn't exist. I don't really feel pride anymore.

Thinking back, I'm realizing that I wasted my entire life just trying to survive. I spent my entire childhood depressed and sometimes suicidal because I could never be a woman. When I was 18 and realize being a trans woman was possible, I wasted seven years toiling over whether that was the right choice, whether I'd be happier opening myself up to constant mistreatment if I got to live on my own terms. When I finally realized I couldn't go on anymore and found a therapist and started HRT, I was 25 and male puberty and completely run its course. I lost so much during that process. My transition has gone much better than expected, and I have my moments, but I will never fully pass now.

Conservatives say we make being queer our entire personalities, and I try so hard to resist that. I have other interests, but I'm just so exhausted by life all the time and I can't do them. I want to write a book, learn a language, learn code so I can make an indie game. I've been trying to learn piano for three years now and I'm still not very far. I wish I could have had the time to learn all these things earlier. So much my time has been spent either depressed about society's transphobia or trying to "catch up" on being a woman, learning how to dress and put on makeup years late, coming out and having to revisit my relationships with everyone I know, making new friends to make up for the ones I lost, doing voice lessons, going to protests, laser and surgery, constant appointments, undergoing the lengthy name and ID-change process. I could go on. I've missed out on so much in my life on account of being trans. I read a lot about authors who grew up writing fanfic wishing I was one of those people, instead of just being sad and doing the bare minimum besides keeping my grades up and reading books. These days, I just go to my job, sometimes work overtime, play catch-up, spend time with my partner, and read the news.

And now just three short years of being fully out and on hormones, it's all being taken away and I genuinely don't know where I'll be in four years or whether I'll be alive.

There's probably nothing after this, and this is the only life I get. I can't have my own consciousness if reincarnation is real. If the Christian god is real, then at worst I have being turned into a genderless angel-thing and being stripped of my womanhood in heaven, or hell at best. I'm not saying being born a cis woman would solve all my problems. I've dealt with sexism too and know how harmful it is. But I don't think I will ever get to live a normal life, and now at almost 30, I don't think trans people will ever achieve social acceptance in my lifetime. Things keep going worse, and our most influential trans person in office says we need to slow down trans acceptance.

I think a lot about the concept of people just living, wanting to do things but who end up just working and being tired, and then dying before they get to accomplish any of the things they wanted to achieve in life. At this point, I've whittled down all my life goals to just two things: get married to my fiance and make some piece of art that someone says they liked, even though I'm so far behind and it wouldn't be very good.

top 7 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 10 points 4 hours ago

Honestly, felt.

I'm 30. I started hrt in December of last year. I waited way too long and now I feel like I'll never be fully fem. Hell, I remember clearly when I was younger, being told by my grandparents how handsome and manly I was becoming. They told me they noticed my torso and shoulders broadening, and that girls would like that. I clearly remember the disgust and discomfort that I experienced from that despite happening over 10yrs ago.

I'm very socially stunted from a life lived in seclusion as a result of my dysphoria. Romantic relationships are a new concept to me. My first experience being intimate with someone was with another trans woman who turned out to be a predator. I was too easy for her to manipulate as a result of my naivete, and she eventually raped me.

I'm lonely. I feel broken. I feel like trash that should be shoved into a pile and left to rot. The emotions I began feeling as a result of hrt have been suppressed again. I am numb and dead inside. I know I have feelings, I can see it in my behavior. I know there is someone I love, and I know she loves me in return. I get excited when I see her. When I'm with her I want to stay glued to her. I miss her when she's gone. Yet, these are observations based on my behavior. In reality, I do not actually feel anything. As much as I want to, I am too numb to actually commit and put a name on our relationship. Besides, I'm American, she's Chilean. If I went to visit her then it'd be a one-way trip out of the country. God forbid she comes here.

My only comfort is friends telling me that I already pass really well, and that I look like I'm in my early 20s as opposed to beginning my 30s. I'm not sure I believe them because I still get misgendered by strangers, but I appreciate them trying.

However, as fucked up as my personal journey has been, I believe that, as small and inconsequential as I may be, my journey plays a tiny part in helping the trans children of the future. My small voice, combined with others, will help keep us from obscurity and help keep future generations from the misery I have experienced. True progress doesn't happen overnight. It is a pebble helping guide the water to erode the mountainside.

To tell you the truth, I've considered ending it; but I keep going because of the friends and family in my life. I keep going because of the woman I love. I keep going for future generations. So I continue to take my hormones, swallow my misery and try to make the best of it. My only hope is that, if an afterlife exists, I will be able to live out eternity in my true form, in happiness.

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 12 points 4 hours ago

As someone who got on hrt in my late 20s, I feel this a lot. I can't fathom how much better I would feel if I had been able (see: had societal and systemic support) to transition early. I channel my sadness at the people who make this a world where "but I won't be accepted" is a problem that transgender people have to worry about. If they weren't making life such hell for Trans people, my life would be better immediately, nevermind the hypothetical where I am able to transition earlier as a result.

I hear you and you're valid. Love from internet stranger.

[–] Melissa@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 4 hours ago

That’s all really tough. I transitioned at 40. I completely understand feeling like you wasted a good portion of your life. You are a lot younger than you realize still. Your life is far from over, you will achieve your goals, and many more.

I produce electronic music, if you ever want some help or advice or to collaborate on something shoot me a message, I’d be happy to help you create something amazing.

[–] MxRemy@piefed.social 5 points 4 hours ago

I'm also very tired of having to spend SO MUCH time and energy on something that ought to be largely irrelevant to my life, I totally feel that. However, there is one thing that makes me feel a lot better about it. I imagine what I might have been like, as a person, if I didn't have any kind of marginalized identity.

If I wasn't like this, my entire worldview would likely have been developed from a fairly privileged position. I would never have experienced this struggle. And while the trans struggle is not identical to the struggles of other marginalized people, it definitely hits a lot of the same notes. So I feel like it has definitely broadened my understanding of other people's plights, to the point where I don't think I'd wanna give that up in exchange for being cis. I feel like that me might've ended up more of an asshole, you know?

[–] alsaaas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 hours ago

I feel you sm on so many lvls omg

TW bunch of misery and self hate

Being trans is the worst thing in my life thus far and has majorly contributed to years of still-ongoing depresseion and anxiety. Anyone who says it's a choice can srsly fuck off and die in my book. Do you actually believe my mind to be so fucked up, that I would ruin my life and waste years of it ON FUCKING PURPOSE?!

It's the part of myself I hate the most, if I could cut it out of my brain I would; I even wish that conversion therapy actually worked... (it obsly doesn't)

Though I fortuantely don't live in the USA and can't rly relate to that; I wish you the best regardless!

[–] lazyneet@programming.dev 4 points 4 hours ago

I'm sorry for all of these things you feel, some of which I too feel. Maybe you could try counseling (again, assuming that was part of your process for getting HRT). I started HRT about a year ago at 31 and I was socially transitioning for 6 months before that. I don't trouble myself with the metaphysical, but I definitely relate to gender dysphoria and depression.

Regarding trans acceptance, I think the congresswoman's views are maybe a bit too moderate, and civil rights are things to fight for when 1/3 of the country possibly hates us. It took over 100 years after emancipation for African-Americans to gain acceptance without segregation. In the country's history, we have never had a woman in the White House, except for Harris's vice-presidency. Equality takes a strong effort against the current of neo-Nazism and other brands of hatred, and I hope the many decades of trans history (when trans people have been known as such) mean enough to people that a basic level of public acceptance without open hatred can be found in the places we live.

[–] Nat997@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 hours ago

I don't know much about your life, mine or "life" as an abstract concept, but I experienced it to be beautiful though sometimes stressful, dangerous and horrifying. I like to listen to soothing music, watch videos, read some books and comics. I think existence in itself can be fascinating, being a singular unit amongst the vast space and infinity of the cosmos... phrasing it like that makes everything feel... insignificant and grandiose at the same time. Sorry if I'm just blabbering nonsense. I cannot change how the world works, but we - together as a whole - can. At least I hang onto this thought. Being yourself is ultimately the greatest struggle, no matter what your gender is or what anyone thinks of you, because the hardest person to please will eventually be you. Or I'm just saying meaningless words... regardless, just enjoy while it lasts and smile that it happened at all. That, or organise, empower, educate and slay queen!