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A lot of very important things have already been suggested and I agree with most. I won't just re-state what others have said, instead I'll suggest a pet peeve of mine.
People who say "I love that for you". It's like nails on a chalkboard to me, it's always said in such a condescending and disingenuous way by every person I've ever heard say it, I just can't stand hearing it now.
Kittenhood. The minimum sentence: lifetime of cuddling, free food and play.
Telling any support staff individual
"It just says error."
Punishment compounded based upon the degree of detailed information you simply decided to not bother reading before seeking assistance.
Lol
No, it should be punishable to build a system that just says "error" when it fails.
Alcohol and gambling. The death and suffering these cause is unfathomable. Just within my small social sphere I've encountered numerous people that have had their entire families ripped apart or destroyed by these, particularly alcohol.
capitalist relations
Park shade designers. All of them. Replace them with two guys from anywhere that have had a sunburn and know how to install a roof.
Driving a vehicle that can be heard over several suburan blocks
If you are going through a place with a drive through that wraps around the building and you pull up far enough to block the exit so that it fucks up the works and an employee has to come out and direct traffic to unfuck it you should have your license revoked. Clearly you don't have the situational awareness to be operating a motor vehicle.
Letting your pet shit or piss on someone else's property without permission.