Ran into this, it's just unbelievably sad.
"I never properly grieved until this point" - yeah buddy, it seems like you never started. Everybody grieves in their own way, but this doesn't seem healthy.
This reminds me of a Joey Comeau story I saw published fifteen or twenty years ago. The narrator's wife had died, so he programed a computer to read her old journal entries aloud in her voice, at random throughout the day.
It was profoundly depressing and meant to be fiction, but I guess every day we're making manifest the worst parts of our collective imagination.