It's an old meme, sir, but it checks out.
this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2025
537 points (98.0% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
34674 readers
4508 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
You can count the jpeg rings.
"Heh, yeah well, good luck. You'd have to be some kinda genius to count all those rings."
"... He's five."
I had to pull up the episode to verify the quote.
Damn I remember this line but can’t for the life of me remember the origin right now.
Futurama s2e5: I Second that Emotion
Hey I know you! ☺️
Not a far off question, considering that, the only time the bible mentions abortion is how to do it.
I'm curious, what does the Bible say on "how to abort"?
this is the one that's usually quoted and i'm not sure it's actually what people say it is:
numbers 5, verses 11-31, english international standard version (aka the readable version, fuck you KJV):
The Test for Marital Unfaithfulness
^11^ Then the Lord told Moses, ^12^ “Instruct the Israelis what to do if a man’s wife turns astray so that she unfaithfully acts against him, ^13^ a man has sexual relations with her and she conceals it from her husband, keeping it secret although she has defiled herself with there being no witnesses against her, but she was caught anyway. ^14^ If an attitude of jealousy overcomes him so that he becomes jealous at his wife when she is defiled, or if an attitude of jealousy overcomes him and he becomes jealous of his wife even though she isn’t defiled, ^15^ then that man is to bring his wife to the priest along with an offering for her consisting of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour. He is not to pour oil or set frankincense over it, because it’s to be a jealousy offering, a memorial offering that will serve as a reminder of iniquity. ^16^ Then the priest is to bring it and make her stand in the Lord’s presence. ^17^ The priest is to put some holy water into an earthen vessel, take some dust from the floor of the tent, and put it into the water. ^18^ The priest is to have the woman stand in the Lord’s presence, uncover her head, and put the grain offering as a memorial, a reminder of jealousy, into her hands. The priest is also to have in his hand the contaminated water that carries a curse.
^19^ “The priest is to administer this oath to the woman: ‘If indeed another man didn’t have sexual relations with you and you didn’t become unfaithful to your husband, then may you be free from these waters that bring a curse. ^20^ But if you have become unfaithful to your husband and have become defiled because a man who isn’t your husband has had sexual relations with you…’ ^21^ then the priest is to have the woman commit to an oath by saying to the woman, ‘May the Lord make you a curse and a curse among your people. When the Lord makes your thigh waste away and your abdomen swell ^22^ and this water that brings a curse enters your abdomen, making it swell and your thigh waste away.’
“Then the woman is to say ‘Amen.’
^23^ “Then the priest is to write all of these words in a document and wipe it off with the contaminated water. ^24^ The woman is to drink the bitter water that brings a curse and the water that brings a curse is to be considered contaminated. ^25^ The priest is to take the offering of jealousy from the woman’s hand, wave the offering in the Lord’s presence, and have her approach the altar. ^26^ The priest is to take a handful of grain from the memorial and offer a sacrifice on the altar, after which he is to have the woman drink the water. ^27^ When he has had her drink the water, if she was defiled and had acted unfaithfully toward her husband, then the contaminated water that brings a curse will enter her and infect her, causing her abdomen to swell and her thigh to waste away. Then she is to be a cursed woman among her people. ^28^ But if the woman isn’t defiled, then she is to be freed and will be able to bear children. ^29^ This is the law in cases of jealousy when a woman defiles herself while under her husband’s authority: ^30^ When a man becomes under the control of an attitude of jealousy regarding his wife, he is to present her to the Lord, and the priest is to apply this entire statute to her. ^31^ The husband will be free from guilt, but the wife is to bear the punishment of her iniquity.”
tl;dr: "if you think your wife is fucking around, you can have her drink dirt water. if she's a slut, her pussy will fall off"
Edit: To be a bit less literal, this passage is most likely not about "sexual relations" but when a woman is pregnant by another man. "water that brings a curse" is probably a euphemism for some kind of poison that kills the baby and makes the woman sterile. the described symptoms match that. the "if she's innocent she'll be fine" thing is probably added later, to make it more magical. maybe the actual description of how to make the concoction was removed at the same time.
Fun fact: Numbers is also part of the Torah! Christians don't have a monopoly on this crazy. Good old Abrahamic religions.
i'd even go as far as to say that the point of the sacrifice of jesus was to tear up the old testament, so christians have no reason to follow all this old crap.
He specifically said he wasn't going to tear it up, right? That he came not to change one "jot or tittle" of the old law, but to "fulfill" it, whatever that means. Never made any sense to me.
it changes so much depending on which book you read too, the apostles had very different opinions
And yet Jesus himself said to follow the law of Moses until heaven and earth pass away 🤷
in some books... depending on how for away from his death you read he seems to have some very different opinions
Interesting, thank you for sharing!
Some dangeroys but kinda effective ancient world procedure, i think
It also says life begins at the first breath in multiple places.
It's also just totally made up so it doesn't matter what it says
It matters to the people in the religion, which is why it's relevant to point out their religious text doesn't consider abortion to be murder.
Mary was said to be a virgin when she had Jesus. So, that's clearly the first and only known occurrence of parthenogenesis in humans.
Mary could have had X and Y chromosomes, but then she wouldn't have been able to carry a pregnancy without hormone treatment that didn't exist in those days. So, we know factually that she would have only had X chromosomes (even if she had a abnormality like XXX).
Therefore, baby Jesus only had X chromosomes. This means either Jesus was intersex (ex: XX male) or Jesus was transgender. It's in the bible. QED
You're trying to apply logic to a story where sky daddy stuck a baby that's actually himself in someone.
Maybe Mary had XY chromosomes but her Y chromosome was nonfunctional due to a mutation, so her body was built and functioning entirely on the X chromosomes instruction set. When the parthenogenesis occurred, the miracle was that the Y chromosome in the fetus spotaneously mutated back into a functional state.
Jesus is just Mary's clone but with a functioning y chromosome :3
I agree, but I'd say Christians would argue that's the miracle.
It’s not the only known occurrence of parthenogenesis in humans, since Jesus is an astrological myth with the same life story as many other mythologies thousands of years earlier, but as a figure of the sun during the age of Pisces. The sun dies for 3 days before rising again in the winter solstice, and Jesus ended the Taurus age in 0 CE and the current age will end in 2150 CE with a guy with a pail of water, or Aquarius.
Plenty of women -- teenage parochial schoolgirls, specifically, get impregnated as virgins when the definition of virgin is not having coital sex or having an intact vaginal corona (hymen). When boys and girls who love each other very much make out and get overly involved, yet their pregnancy concerns (and guilt) keep them from engaging in actual coitus, even a small amount of jizz on her vulva might make their way through the vaginal canal and cause conception.
Plenty of medical doctors have encountered unexpected pregnancy of women who've never had sex and who had intact vaginal coronas.
However at the beginning of the common era, virgin was assumed of any unmarried woman unless known otherwise, and was a shift of property value of the woman to the father or husband. Mary who was unmarried, would be a virgin by default as a young woman. Though her pregnancy is evidence that she isn't a virgin.
Too be fair, in Hellenic culture Zeus raped me was a common excuse when a young woman fooled around without license, and ended up in a family way, and before the era of the Olympian, Poseidon was the one going around having his way with young women. In fact, the classical myths teem with children sired by gods. This isn't new.
Oh wow, that took me a while
I don't get it
Christian mythology holds that Jesus was executed by crucifixion, and that he was resurrected 3 days later.
Oh right, I forgot about that, funny
It’s okay, it’s not a very compelling story.
2 days later.
The phrase "On the third day" involves counting today (e.g. Good Friday) as the first day, tomorrow as the second day, and 2 days later (e.g. Easter Sunday) as the third day.
No worries, it's a common misconception up there with whom was conceived when we speak of the immaculate conception.
Wait, that wasn't Jesus?
Nope. "Immaculate conception" doesn't refer to Jesus being conceived of a virgin, but to Mary being conceived without sin (remember: in Christian mythology, all humans are born with sin, thanks to Adam and Eve's Original Sin).
Slight correction, that's born with/without "original sin which is best described as a condition and very different from committed sin, which one can describe as an action. Also, Jesus was born without original sin owing to the belief that he's also fully divine.
That "holding a child responsible for the sins of their father" business stopped being a thing around Second Temple Judaism and what followed.
Another word for original sin that helps distinguish it from what people usually think of when they think of sin is concupiscence but that's not in my vocabulary. I had to look it up because I keep forgetting the word.
And as always, none of this applies to Mormons because they're special.
Also, Jesus was born without original sin owing to the belief that he’s also fully divine
Stupid Niceneans. Homoiousianism 4ever! Justice for Arius.
And as always, none of this applies to Mormons because they’re special.
I believe JWs are also non-Nicene.
edit: in fact, according to Wikipedia, JWs might be closer theologically to Arians than Mormons are, though both are very weird compared to mainstream Protestants, Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, and Oriental Orthodox churches.
so not your usual ejaculate conception?
32 hours. According to myth, Jesus was in hell for 32 hours. I've taken longer naps. And shits.
Jewish hell (Sheol), though, which was more of a "land of the dead" than a place of punishment (Gehenna).
Is there an echo in here?
"according to myth"^according to myth^ ^^according to myth^^
When he died he was resurrected three days later. Allegedly.
If Charlie Kelly can survive an abortion so can Jesus