this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2025
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Privacy

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I’ve been seeing this more and more in comments, and it’s got me wondering just how big this issue really is. A lot of people feel trapped in apps like Discord, WhatsApp, and Instagram, but can’t get their friends to leave.

It’s really annoying when you suggest trying something new, whether it’s a different app or just not using these platforms so much but sometimes it can feel like no one wants to go first.

So I’m curious, what apps do you feel most trapped in? And have you tried convincing your friends to leave them? What happened? Is it an issue for you, or are you just going along with the flow?

Looking forward to hearing if this is as common as it feels!

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[–] obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 9 points 14 hours ago

Get their parents to sign up. Feels like grannies sharing minion memes and Bible verses was the end of facebook's cool era.

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 12 points 17 hours ago

So just use something different yourself. Then ask your friends to communicate with you there. You don't need them to quit the old, you need to ask them to use something new.

[–] icelimit@lemmy.ml 12 points 18 hours ago

"privacy? Yeah whatever, they just use it to catch bad people right? I have nothing to hide. I don't have the time to learn all this VPN stuff. Don't forget to like my posts!"

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 7 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

People will still use discord even if it got entirely banned, there just isn't a good alternative now that is clear

[–] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 4 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Not federated but a pretty good alternative coming up with Revolt - still has a good way to go though.

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Interesting.

What’s the catch? Is it all self hosted? If not, where’s the hosting cash coming from?

[–] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

I can't say for sure, but see this answer from 2022: https://github.com/orgs/revoltchat/discussions/309?utm_source=chatgpt.com#discussioncomment-2232628

currently we are running on donations which we have plenty of

[–] mygoodsir@lemmy.ml 3 points 16 hours ago

Lol, what because you tried Matrix and it SUCKS on both client and server?

XMPP can have a whole ass facebook app built inside it called Movim and it can be accessed from any "homeserver". It can be far more than Discord will ever want to be, if the cats can be herded

If you don't use Matrix well I guess bc it's ubiquitous among squishy Linux and leftist communities for some godawful reason despite being Israeli-developed, US state dept funded, and idiot-maintained. They even have a slot for it on these lemmy accounts

[–] CatLikeLemming@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

I'm still on Discord because everyone else is there. I've moved my direct social connections, so most of the things I'd use Discord dms for on a daily basis, over to dedicated direct messaging services, but communities are so much harder to move over. You can't shuffle between a hundred and a thousand people over to another platform unless somehow most of the groups they're in move over at once.

And to what? Matrix communities are not as convenient, Revolt's voice chats are not as good and screen sharing wasn't a thing at all last I checked and it doesn't have a mobile client, and TeamSpeak is primarily voice-based.

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

SonoBus is utterly awesome for voice chat, specifically, unless it’s one of those ridiculous 50+ people rooms.

[–] rickywithanm@aussie.zone 1 points 18 hours ago

I’m in the same boat too

[–] NoodlePoint@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago

Because their other friends are on them, and the celebrities they follow.

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 4 points 23 hours ago

People don't just stop using an app until there's very little activity.

Getting people to use a new app, especially one they have little activity on is inconvenient, especially if you're already checking WhatsApp, wechat, signal, telegram, LINE, Zalo, and discord because you have to many different friend groups.

[–] SupremeDonut@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 day ago

People don't typically like change. It has to feel like it's their decision to drive them there.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I just cannot fathom how people use discord to communicate. Maybe if it's a very small group like ten people tops. But anything bigger? Seems like chaos.

[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 3 points 18 hours ago

That's not a complaint specific to discord though. You just don't like large chatrooms.

[–] cheloxin@lemmy.ml 1 points 18 hours ago

Never been in IRC I take it?

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[–] duckworthy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago

People can’t be convinced of anything, it’s a losing battle to try. The only way to get people to change is to live a certain way and if people admire it, then they ask you about it and you share.

So for example-I’m a minimalist and I really wished my sister would declutter because her place is overcrowded. But instead of trying to convince her, I just shared what my life normally was like. Eventually she asked me for help decluttering, and she felt a lot better about what I helped with. Now we share cleaning and organization tips.

For me, I just put in my insta bio I left for Pixelfed and to come friend me there.

I’ve told my friends I’m off insta because I’d rather be on a platform where I control my feed that’s ad free. And that I rarely see my friends content on insta so it doesn’t matter that much to me to have friends on there. If they get interested, great if not, I’m still happy.

[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago

Discord for me. A bunch of my family and friends are avid gamers. Discord is the universal standard app they all use for general communication.

Not only do they use it for all their gaming related stuff, they have additional servers and channels for just chilling, chatting, off topic stuff, memes, politics, etc etc.

It's the network effect. Even if there was an open source app that perfectly replicated all the functionality of Discord and was just as simple to install and run as Discord, most of them still wouldn't switch to it, because all of their friends and family are still on Discord.

So they would have to have two completely separate apps with totally separate social groups to maintain, and nobody but hardcore advocates for FOSS and privacy are willing to do that.

Sure, I have Discord, Matrix, IRC, Signal, XMPP clients, and a Private Mumble server, all on my systems, but I'm hardcore about FOSS. None of my friends and family are willing to do that. It took all my energy to convince two of my most techie friends just to get Signal on their phones. And only One has been willing to install a Matrix client to chat just with me.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Find new friends in Russia. These are banned there

[–] jenesaisquoi@feddit.org 0 points 17 hours ago

Russians still use these services, using VPNs. Source: I know some.

PS: Slava Ukraini!

[–] spectraxil@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 day ago

It's because our marketing sucks. People don't care about their privacy, they like what is cool. So what does that mean? It mean we gotta make using open source app so cool that people can't help but join because all the cool kids are here. You feel me? Preaching alone is not enough although it will benefit all of us

[–] Paddy66@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 day ago

Threaten them with having to communicate with you using email - they'll install Signal 😂

[–] Broken@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

SMS

Nobody wants to use a messaging app at all. At this point I'd rather be stuck on WhatsApp. But its all family. Big family and try to get them to agree on anything is like pulling teeth.

I even sent everybody a "contact card" I made with my links to signal, simplex, and even whatsapp (figuring that's the path of least resistance) saying I'd prefer to communicate on any of those apps. ZERO people changed nor did they even ask about it, options, or my reasoning.

[–] BlueberryWalnut@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I did a similar contact card thing for (real) people I cared about from Discord. 2 people installed signal to keep up. 20+ invites went out before I nuked they account. One person already had signal. The other one that installed it now ghosts all my signal comms attempts.

[–] mrdown@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Probably the idea of "all my other friends are on the mainstream platform so why would i move to another platform specifically for you?"

[–] manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago

I ditched meta platforms entirely for signal in 2019, lets say I dont have many close friends anymore haha, my social life is kaput, even my work groupchat is on facebook

[–] LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

Comfort and scared of change. The dopamine these sites give you is close to sex for some people as weird as it sounds. So if you tell them to stop using Instagram, they can't process that and simply say no.

This is just part of human nature. Some of us are able to say "hey this website is run by horrible people and I refuse to support it." We leave and find other options and help them grow. We are in the minority.

Most people simply do not want to try something everyone else doesn't use cause they don't want to seem weird. Stupid societal norms.

[–] yogthos@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It's network effects. People have other friends on the network who have their own friends on the network, and so on. Leaving the network means convincing a critical mass of your network to leave along with you.

[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And it would be easier with good bridges, but of course the big platforms like Twitter, Facebook, etc., refuse to bridge in or out with anything.

You can scrape public Facebook feeds, using paid services, but AFAICT you need a friend on the inside to publish your stuff into Facebook.

I guess that's one reason I shouldn't complain about Bluesky - They support Bridgy.

[–] cheloxin@lemmy.ml 1 points 18 hours ago

Are there even public feeds anymore? Anytime I've gone to Facebook since deleting it wants me to login first, no matter what the link was to

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[–] Omer_Ash@lemmy.world 137 points 2 days ago (6 children)

It's Facebook Messenger and Whatsapp for me. I ditched the Facebook app a long time ago, but Messenger and Whatsapp remain on my device because no one wants to leave them. I try to keep my chats there as superficial as possible.

Also, this is my first comment ever on Lemmy, so hi everyone!

[–] Resonosity@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Welcome!

Some tips:

  • You can block other users, other communities, and other instances yourself; you don't have to wait for the mods or admins to do that for you

  • If a mod or an admin of an instance choose to block certain things that you disagree with, you can sign up for another instance with your same name, assuming nobody's taken it; you won't be able to transfer your comments, votes, or posts though; there's been feedback given to the Lemmy devs about this

  • Search by Everything and Active to see new posts show up in your feed daily

  • There's lots of diverse opinions on Lemmy, but they tend to concentrate around politics and tech; maybe consider starting your own community or instance if there's something here you want to see!

  • To use the Discord analogy, Lemmy instances are Discord communities, Lemmy communities are Discord channels, and users are just users; we'll often write c/Whatever to refer to a community, but due to the Federated nature of Lemmy, you may find a community like c/Politics on multiple instances (like lemmy.world or lemmy.ml); not sure if the Lemmy devs have a fix for this

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[–] Nightsoul@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Because lot of people just either don't care, are too lazy to switch, or the vast majority of their friends and family still use the apps.

In addition, they may feel like they are losing out on something, especially for Instagram where a large portion of the population uses regularly.

[–] geneva_convenience@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Because people keep pushing for them to completely leave a platform.

Instead try to get them to dual-use platforms.

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I tried to get friends to use Signal. It's hard because it's a new app they e never used. One flat out refuses to use anything other than SMS and one messaging app to avoid bloat, and the others it's just hard to get buy in when you're the only person they know using it.

[–] anon5621@lemmy.ml 2 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

If they like use so much sms convince them to use silence so it would give SMS encryption to messages https://f-droid.org/packages/org.smssecure.smssecure/

[–] Zeon@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

Hasn't been updated in 6 years. Is there a fork of it thats still maintained?

[–] anon5621@lemmy.ml 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Does it need to be updated when it doing very simple stuff which doesn't work over the network even :D so where threat to exploit

[–] Zeon@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

The source code for it isn't available. I like the idea of it though.

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