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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Astrealix@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world

A friend of mine for around 4-5 years at this point has randomly started ghosting me completely over the past month or so... I know they've seen my messages and I know that they're also autistic so they'd know I probably wouldn't get it and I saw no signs of the friendship having any problems and yet they've just suddenly stopped and I have no idea what I did wrong...

Why is being a functioning social creature so damn hard?

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[-] contextual_somebody@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago

They could be dealing with depression or something. It might not be about you at all. I try to not make assumptions.

[-] gvasco@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 1 year ago

This! I'm not great at replying to texts, from feeling depressed to demand avoidance, sometimes it's hard when you réel there are toi many expectations. Maybe try sending an open ended message without any questions, juste saying you hope he's alright and that he can message you if he wants to talk or wants some company.

[-] Astrealix@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Yeah that's one possibility I considered and tbh is probably most likely given like, I don't think I did anything wrong? But I'd hope not, would definitely rather I made a mistake...

[-] moitoi@feddit.de 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You didn't make anything wrong. Some of us don't like to see people too often. For some, it's fine to see people twice a year and that's it. For others, they like to see people each week. It like a spectrum and it's vary with time and from people to people.

I know of I have something special, I will avoid people during a certain amount of time until I gain the energy to socialize.

The second factor is what's happening in the life. If people start a relationship, have kids, have a new job, start a new school (university, high school, etc.), go to a new club, they will have less time and energy for the friends. They will also make nes friends. This is life and people can't do anything about it.

What I learn with time is to move on and not caring to much about what's happening.

[-] BendyLemmy@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

It's important that you move on and stop focussing on the past. It can be painful, and usually it is fruitless.

After 12 years moving to a new town in the UK, I realised that so many of my friends and contacts had basically disappeared - moved away, or got into relationships so that family life kept them away from pubs I used to frequent.

It's rarely something personal, often people just move on.

[-] Astrealix@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I just want to like, be a better friend and stuff so it can stop happening cuz like you said it's painful. Just can't ever seem to understand and often there's no clues at all.

[-] Alexmitter@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

Yes thats humans. And even if you ask them, they will not give a proper answer.
Best recommendation I have is, let them go. Friendships expire and there is nothing that can be done about it.

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this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2023
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