Eve is the fairy tale! Lilith came first! Revert the revisionism!

YOU CAN'T SAY "EVOLUTION!" I NEED TO GO TO MY SAFE PLACE!!!

FATHER ABRAHAM HAS MANY SONS...

Cassius Clay was the GOAT and I’d love be to believe that we are all descended from him.

I punch like a soggy bit of pasta though, so I’m going to have to stick with modern evolutionary theory.

First there was Adam. Then there was Eve. Then Eve broke the one rule and doomed all of humanity (yes, both of them!) for her transgression (well, once the omnipresent and omniscient God realized what had happened, which he deduced because they were trying to hide their nakedness rather than seeing it coming before he even created humanity because that's how omniscience is supposed to work, or watching her talk to the serpent, eat the apple, and then offer one to Adam, which is how omnipresence is supposed to work) and we got kicked out of paradise into a place that sounds similar (as in it still has the animals and the plants and all that) but isn't paradise. Then Adam and Eve had two sons, Cain and Able. Then Cain killed Able and was exiled for it. So technically there's three people, all related, though only two of them have contact with one another.

Anyways, some time passes and all the people are wicked (possibly due to being so inbred), so obviously God wants to kill them, but there's one dude that is ok, so he's tasked with building a giant boat and filling it with just two of every single animal in existence (sorry animals, but the people (other than Noah and presumably his family, or maybe they get a pass because of how great Noah is) are wicked and God doesn't want to do a high precision genocide). Then after he somehow succeeds in this task (nevermind different geographic areas, including ones Noah has no idea even existed, having completely different animals or local variants of the same animals), humanity and the entire animal kingdom are now back to square one for genetic diversity.

But for some reason people today are more worried about nuclear weapons that can potentially destroy the planet than people in the Bible were worried about angering an active and interactive God who would occasionally brutally and spectacularly demonstrate his power in a fit of rage. But I'm starting to digress from the genetic diversity topic.

Well, we do have a Mitochondrial Eve and Y-chromosomal Adam we all descend from.

They just have a 50 000 - 150 000 age difference.

My name is Mud

We be naked apes.

Doesn't having a common ancestor still count as "related", tho?

Technically we are all star dust. We are made from the fusion of atoms when supernovas exploded.

I wonder how much of the dust in our homes is our shed skin.

I'm probably depositing micro-particles of myself everywhere, I'm disgusting.

Those are the ghosts of your ancestors.

ATPsynthase is an amazing protein. Our cells use these generators to produce energy. It is pretty much what allows us to become the big hulking mass of cells we are today. Some bacteria also have this protein, but it is used for propulsion.

From what I understand all DNA is 90% compatible because most of that is useless or very basic functions like cellular division and energy generation.

Well, the mitochondria in our cells are descended from bacteria and retain their bacteria-style genes and proteins.

Where beer does flow and men chunder

I love (/s) those old stories people came up with. They probably saw a tree in the woods and experienced a moment of pareidolia then decided that humans were descended from trees.

We tricked sand into thinking.

Al was my favorite character in Home Improvement

Doubt. There are thousands of olive varieties and most if not all are polyploid.