Talk to your doctor if you don't feel like you're seeing any effects. The Internet isn't qualified for this.

And I look super ugly

Honey I wish I could give you a hug. Your body is on a journey right now, be kind to yourself.

Adipose tissue is estrogenic, if anything it should enhance results.

Hey girl, I just came from your other posts - specifically the one where you posted a full pic of yourself. Looking at the pic and the one you used for your PFP, I think you're beautiful and wouldn't even question your assigned-at-birth sex or gender identity for an instant if I passed you on the street or saw you in a restaurant.

Are you a Playboy model? Of course not, but no one is and isn't a slave to fashion and capitalism and unrealistic beauty standards. I think you're an amazing woman whose body has settled into its true gender beautifully.

Unfortunately, your comments and posts suggest body image issues that transcend your gender identity. Plenty of cis people also experience negative body image and wish to change themselves to fit what they think is beautiful. If you are happy with your gender identity and aren't experiencing gender-related dysphoria, but rather just feel ugly about your body, I don't think coming off hormones will help with that. Therapy is my answer here, but I don't think your transition is solely to blame for these feelings.

Love you, you got this. Give yourself the slack you deserve (which is a lot, you beautiful thing).

I'm gonna parrot others and say that we aren't licensed professionals.

However...

Unless you are on the shorter side, 180ish should be fine, I think? It's about where I am currently, and I'm not flabby by any means. What do you mean you should have been denied HRT? Are you having health side effects? If the hormone treatment isn't being effective, talk to your doctor to increase your dose. I'm sure it's like other medications: BMI can affect dosage and absorption levels, and every body is different.

If you are concerned about your body image, the only thing any of us can really suggest is diet and exercise. Anecdotally, keto did wonders for a while, but at the end of it all, it all boils down to CICO, calories in vs calories out. Consume less sugars and breads, and try to use more calories than you are putting in.

At the end of it all, talk to your doctor. Maybe it's the delivery method? Perhaps see about changing to a different medication. Injections or patches might do better than pills.

Oh that's just 80-90kg? Just like me (unless I'm closer to 100 haha I haven't measured in ages). Whaaaaat, that's totally fine. I mean it can feel awkward sometimes, it's neither girltwink nor giant queen xD but still it's fine. Stand up straight with your shoulders back, wearing a skirt that flares out a bit, and enjoy life :)

I'm 260 pounds and just started HRT this week, I think you're being way too hard on yourself. 180-200 sounds like goals from where I'm stuck sitting!

How long have you been in HRT?

Fat will redistribute a bit but you can also work on losing weight while you transition. It's certainly a journey and while it can be hard I think your mental health will benefit

I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your transition and the results. It's really common to have periods of dysphoria as you move through your journey, and you're still very early in it. You won't get the full effect for about 3-5 years, and some people say they still see effects past this point.

As far as your dosage and levels, they sound like they are in a good place. Doing 2mg/3x day is definitely a good thing to try! Having your hormone levels more consistent should help. You can also try using patches instead of pills (if you're able to switch). Patches have the most consistent release, with less of the peaks and troughs you get with pills or injections (which could be another way to go, if you're ok with needles).

For your weight, 180-200 is completely ok, especially if you're taller! What matters is your blood levels, and if you're at 180 and 12, you are showing good T suppression, and your E levels are solid. Lots of trans girls are taller and bigger than the averagecis girl - I was 5'11" and about 180 when I transitioned, and I had good effects from HRT. I had a similar hormone regimen, and I changed from twice a day to three times during my second year before changing to injections my third year. How I look post year three is super different! You aren't anywhere near done yet.

Finally, it takes a long time for girls to figure out their clothes, hair, and makeup. Give yourself time to figure it out, and remember that we are often your own worst critics. You are valid and loved no matter how you look.