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Sometimes you really need that vodka shot when things go wrong in the database (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 8 months ago by reboot6675@sopuli.xyz to c/programmerhumor@lemmy.ml

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[-] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 44 points 8 months ago

They should have a rocks glass with a query on it

SELECT * FROM liquor_cabinet WHERE proof >= 120

[-] pHr34kY@lemmy.world 17 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

> 176 shots returned.

[-] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 8 months ago

They also give away branded needles so you can give yourself an SQL injection.

[-] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 37 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

The DBA at my old job used to keep a revolver with one bullet, and a bottle of evan williams in his cabinet. There would come many a time when he reaches for the drawer and opens it, seeing both. He always opted for the whiskey, but having seen some of our PRs, there were definitely times he lingered on the revolver.

This is a joke, btw. When's the last time you've seen a dedicated DBA lol

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 3 points 8 months ago

Gosh I hope you took some creative liberties with that story... a coworker having a loaded gun at the office would be creepy as fuck - even if it was just in support of a joke.

[-] KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml 14 points 8 months ago

I made it up from another joke.

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 0 points 8 months ago

That gives me great comfort.

[-] gregorum@lemm.ee 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

The 90s were a different time. Believe me, I used to work Dell tech support in the Win9x days…

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 35 points 8 months ago

That's some really clever Postgres merch.

[-] bappity@lemmy.world 17 points 8 months ago

bartender! one TRUNCATE for me please! I don't want to remember this night

[-] 7heo@lemmy.ml 3 points 8 months ago

Bartender:

This is the closest I got.

[-] penquin@lemm.ee 13 points 8 months ago

Can we DROP the joke about DBs already?

[-] HogsTooth@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago

ElasticSearch would make me drink if I drank

[-] imsodin@infosec.pub 3 points 8 months ago

Could you do your best dunk on ES for me please? Not as in factually great, just whatever. I (ab)use quite a bit in my work, and can't say I have particularly strong opinions/feelings around it either way - I could use some help to change that xD

[-] HogsTooth@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

My most recent complaint is about index mappings. I have 2 types in 2 different indexes that each have a field with the same name. One index has a hand written mapping. The other index is currently under active development and doesn't have a mapping for it yet so it's built automatically. When I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping, the index WITH a mapping changes the field into a keyword and no further queries against the index WITH a mapping work. This also happens if I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping before the other index is created. Why does the index WITH a mapping change?!? WE WROTE THE MAPPING FOR A REASON BUT ITS IGNORED!?!

[-] veniasilente@lemm.ee 8 points 8 months ago

Bartender, I'll have a shot of that. And please clear my TABLE, I'd rather have a nice VIEW.

[-] afk_strats@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

That'll make you forget about the analyst who left didn't add a WHERE clause in their "test" UPDATE statement

[-] ForynGilnith@sh.itjust.works 6 points 8 months ago

Show me one which says MariaDB and then I'll be interested

[-] ulkesh@beehaw.org 4 points 8 months ago

Seriously though, MySQL is garbage and its replication is even worse. It is by design that you’re not supposed to rely on it. It’s apparently a feature that the replication gets out of sync. Why have it then?

I can’t wait until I no longer have to deal with databases. The time is coming!