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I feel they are both being very selfish about this, sorry this is happening to you :( Sounds like they want you to pretend you’re fine so they can stop thinking about it or feeling guilty but space seems like the best idea here…
I'm feeling the same. I don't blame them though. It's not an easy situation and people cope differently. Right now I'm the only person that can do anything about it and I decided to postpone this step into the future.
UPDATE: I had already booked a second apartment for the festival. I wrote my friend (26M) before that I didn't really know if it was a good idea to go to the festival with them. (I also wrote her) He reassured my decision to go with them with the simple statement "I think we can manage this". So I cancelled my single apartment and went with them and the other girl. It went pretty much how I expected it. I discovered the festival on my own and spent most of the time with other people I know and the girl I didn't know before. The two (20F and 26M) spent almost all time together, so I spent most of the time we were together with the other girl. Also, another couple came on the day before the last day and spent the night at our place. This was another opportunity to spend the night with other people and reconnect.
it always makes me miserable to see her happy with someone else
Well, frankly - you can’t handle a friendship with her. Friends are supposed to support each other’s successes and you don’t have the capacity to be genuine about it right now.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or weak or whatever. It’s human nature. It’s part of the risk we take when we have the capacity to love. Even when we want a friendship and understand that value, there remains an unskippable hurdle.
Go to the festival, but you should tell her honestly that you’re not ready to be friends - and it has nothing to do with her. And ask her to respect your boundaries in the interim.
Maybe in a few months or a year, you’ll be a better place to reconnect. Maybe by the time you’re ready, you’ll find your circle of friends to be more fulfilling and you don’t need her.
Time and space. You otherwise can’t heal if you’re constantly having sounds reopened.
You summed up pretty good how I feel about all this. The only thing missing is that I didn't quite know how to tell her exactly that a friendship is not possible for me right now.
this post was submitted on 29 Jun 2023
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Relationship Advice
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