There is nothing wrong with you being trans <3

If your culture is transphobic, you are allowed to just ignore or reject the bigoted parts (or any other parts you have no interest in) and be the woman you want to be (and are). Culture is malleable, personal, multidimensional, and you can decide what parts you like and don't, and choose which parts you care about nya, and adopt or wholesale create your own ideas of culture or the cultures you are a part of (online, offline, or otherwise).

You have the right to self-determination and people saying it's not ok to exist as yourself and act to make that happen can take their opinions and shove them. That's my opinion and I hope it helps you feel better about yourself :)

Hi Jasmine, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with accepting yourself and deconstructing your own internalized transphobia. Youre not alone, and many trans women struggle with accepting being transgender and with self directed transphobia. It's completely okay for you to be a girl, and there's nothing wrong with being a trans one. You deserve a happy life surrounded by compassionate loved ones who appreciate you for who you are. Hiding who you are and trying to be someone you're not isn't fair to you.

I think honestly right now its so important for you to explore your own identity, your own gender. Try to internalize a concept of yourself that is distinct from other people, separated from any pressures imposed on you by the society you exist within and those around you. You are the person who has to be you for the rest of your life, nobody else has to wake up and be you every day. No one else should have a say in how you find happiness and who you truly are. Talk with people who support you, even if it's only online right now. Introspect, ask yourself questions you've always shied away from. Do things you've always stopped yourself from doing, think about things your gut tells you not to. It might seem like that wouldn't help with deconstructing your transphobia, but you need to stop seeing your trans identity as being lesser. And to do that you have to build confidence in your identity.

Hey there Jasmine - this part resonated with me almost word-for-word:

I feel like I’m not meant to be a girl, that I am meant to be a boy, and that I shouldn’t transition because it’s against my cultures.

Literally this is what i read (from this article) that kicked my transition into gear:

As a child, I knew with unwavering conviction that I was a boy. I had boy parts, I did boy things, and everyone treated me like a boy. There was never any doubt or distress about my gender. I may not have fit in well with the other boys, but there were lots of other reasons for that. I still knew I was one of them.

and then a little later

In the years before realizing I was trans, my therapist and I would often debate the meaning of gender identity. I insisted I didn’t have one. She strongly suspected otherwise. Sure, I’d researched the effects of feminizing hormone therapy and loved everything about it, but that didn’t mean I was a woman. Yes, I’d been using a female persona online ever since the days of dial-up chat rooms, but again, that didn’t mean I was one. It was just a fantasy. Cross-dressing was just a fantasy. Wanting to be a woman does not make you a woman, I insisted. Trans women believe they are women; I believed I was a man. Therefore, I could not be trans.

In retrospect, refusing to begin a gender transition because I didn’t already feel like a woman was like refusing to take flying lessons because I didn’t already feel like a pilot.

I could not find a better way to express to anyone else why I never started this sooner.

it’s been eating away at my mental health. I need help.

Please get help. I don't know where you are, what country you're in, what your family/support situation is, but I assure you there is absolutely help for you out there. Feel free to DM me :-)