god i would love that so much. maybe one day ❤️
i don't think i'm gonna go to public events, but i did at least find a local support group, and i'm gonna try to go there.
(idk when, or even if, i can return to the matrix side; i don't know why. but i wanna make sure y'all know i'm okay.)
Are you planning to go to any Pride events? You don't have to be out. Typically, everyone is welcome.
thank you for everything 🥰
yes definitely. i wish the world were a nicer and safer place, but alas.
i've met someone from an online datin app before, so i'm not totally in the new here. of course i was still closeted back then, and it's very different now...but yeah, i know some public places to meet, and i would def make loved ones aware of my location and plans and stuff.
thank you for looking out for me 😊
damn, two therapists? this gate-keeping of healthcare is really exhausting and frustrating. exhaustingly frustrating. frustratingly exhausting. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
If my doctor and/or psychiatrist make me wait like that, I don't know what I'll do. I feel trapped here in this red state. And the way things are going in the US right now... it's troubling. But one way or another, I'm getting that surgery.
Okay...so you know the music video for this song:
Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green day (Music Video Dialog)
[young couple relaxing together in a beautiful meadow]
Boy: "You know they say life is short. They say you wake up one day and, on that day, all of your dreams and, everything you wished for and you wanted are, gone just like that. Ya know? People... People get old and, ya know things change and and situations change and, what I want is I just, I want this moment right now this day, my feelings for you, the way you look right now, the way I look at you, I just want this to last forever. Ya know?"
Girl: "And it will. I mean no matter what we've always had this and had each other. You know nothing can change that. But I just want you to know, no matter what you always have somebody here for you, always and, I'm never gonna leave you. I'm never gonna leave you. [kiss] I love you."
Boy: "I know. I know."
Girl: "Don't ever leave me."
Boy: "I won't."
Girl: "Don't ever leave."
Boy: "I won't, I won't."
[first part of song plays while video clips show their happy memories together]
[after about 90 seconds, song fades out abruptly as girl bursts out of house to confront boy]
Girl: "Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't."
Boy: "Do what?"
Girl: "Tell me you didn't do it."
Boy: "Didn't do what?"
[she slaps him]
Girl: "Tell me you didn't do it please please tell me you didn't do it. Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god! No no please don't do this! Don't do this!"
Boy: "Don't do this don't do this."
Girl: "Please! How could you do that and not tell me?!"
Boy: "Don't do this don't do this. I wanted to tell you I was just-"
Girl: "I love you so much!"
Boy: "I love you too."
Girl: "Don't!"
Boy: "Oh stop stop stop just listen I-"
Girl: "How could you do this to me? How could you do this? Oh my god! Oh my god!"
Boy: "Wait I thought of all people you would understand. Why don't you understand? I did this for us! I did this for us!"
Girl: "Oh my god! No no no!"
Boy: "This is supposed to make it easier! I thought you'd be proud of me! I though at least of all people you would understand why I did this!"
Girl: "Oh god oh my god!"
[second part of song plays while video clips show boy boarding bus to boot camp, getting head shaved, and going off to fight for the USA during the invasion of Iraq]
[song continues to play to the end while showing video clips of boy in war scenes and girl coping with loneliness and concern for his life]
That video was so emotionally raw and intense, and I was still a kid when I saw it. I somehow didn't know the video was about the invasion of Iraq after 9/11, or I forgot. I just totally lost myself in the story of the couple.
I felt deeply about the argument, confident that I knew and truly understood what he had done and why he'd done it, in a way that most people couldn't possibly understand.
Then as he got off the bus and the Sergent (or whatever) was yelling at him and the line of other guys, I started to get confused. When I saw the scene of all the guys getting their heads shaved one-by-one, it clicked in my head that what he'd done was sign up for the military to be shipped off to Iraq.
So what had I thought he'd done?
I had thought he'd submitted all the paperwork to have a sex change surgery and that she had found the confirmation letter indicating the scheduled date of surgery. And I had thought that "sex change surgery" meant having the genitals completely removed.
...yeah...
Can anyone relate? lol
Welcome welcome! 🥳️
I've been on HRT for over a year, and I haven't experimented with makeup yet, except for my brows. Well I recently got some stuff and am going to try it out in a little while.
I've been boy-moding until now, but my breast growth is enough to make boy-moding difficult now. So I need to learn my makeup style to complete my fem look.
Hopefully all goes well for both of us! 🥰️
Your comment probably should have been a private message instead.
-Emma-
joined 10 months ago
matrix regular here, vouching for uni: confirmed legit ✨💖✨