I told my boss I had an idea for a program that could improve efficiency across much of the business, and he let me build it on company time. In the long term, he wanted to be able to sell it to other companies. However, the program never got implemented due to personnel mismanagement, and I'd rather be able to post it on my github under a free licence so I can use it as a resume item, and at least someone would have the chance to actually use it. It's all still in my head, and I could write it again if I wanted. If I do, is it illegal to publish it? What if I write it in a different language? Do I need to change the variable names? I did plenty of research and planning on company time to build it, and it's not like I can research it again, it's all still in my head.

A user who asked to remain anonymous has contacted me regarding a horrible situation they find themself in. A user of lemmy.blahaj.zone by the name of @princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone (a monarchist username if I ever saw one) has been harassing them all across the fediverse on unrelated threads and instances for months. What has this abusive princess been saying? That this anonymous user is me. That's why I'm involved. I actually met Monarchist Norah with regards to this almost three months ago when she randomly pinged me, and I told her to fuck off. Clearly she didn't, because Royal Privilege Norah thinks she's been harassing me for months. When our anonymous friend asked her to just delete her comments trying to out this victim as transgender, she claimed that Monseiur "I just want to be left alone" was MANIPULATING her. What an abusive tactic, manipulating someone into not harassing you!

So what was this poor sod to do but go to the admin of lemmy.blahaj.zone and ask for help. And what did @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone say? She said "I have the mystical ability to peer into deleted comments on a remote instance, and I saw that you and DroneRights are one in the same! Furthermore there's nothing wrong with harassing someone or outing them as trans if both accounts used pseudonyms!" Well, fuck. It's not like they can escalate this any higher, Ada is queen of her own domain. Hey, queen... princess... maybe Princess Norah is Ada's alt! It would sure explain the blatant getting away with breaking the clearly defined instance rules. Fucking hell.

I would love to post the whole thread here for proof, but I have been asked not to compromise the privacy of this victim, and for bloody obvious reasons, I'd say. So let's move onto what you can do to help this person.

Message your instance admins and ask them to defederate lemmy.blahaj.zone. Ada has no intention of changing her mind, and this is not the first harasser of trans people she has enabled. I spoke about that in another post. We need to protect the rest of the fediverse from harassment, and apparently from attempted doxxing and outing of trans people. So for the sake of trans safety, please defederate blahaj!

Blahaj's admin has refederated with Hexbear, using most Blahaj users unhappy and baffled. No communication from the admins regarding the change, though one user speculated it was a halloween trick. Multiple pings to the admin Ada have gone unanswered, even though Ada is clearly still active on Lemmy.

!dronerights@lemm.ee

Eating food in general? Hard. Eating vegan in comparison with eating carnic? Easy.

Mum: tries to make you eat vegetables for 18 years
Carnists: Man, I wish there were something vegans could eat instead of meat

@citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net asked for clarification about the level of importance I place on the semantic distinction between nongendering and misgendering. So I'd like to oblige.

But first I'd like to say that hir comment was very difficult for me to read because it contained me saying something I never said. Reading an account of myself saying something I never said or meant is just psychologically very draining for me. So I had to analyse the comment bit by bit and I may have missed some of the wider nuances that would come from patiently reading the comment as a whole. If I missed anything, I welcome hir to correct me and re-explain, and I'd ask that the re-explanation not contain scenarios of me saying things I don't mean unless they're explicitly hypothetical. It's just a psychological quirk I have and I assume it's somewhat common.

I'd also like to correct Capybara's misunderstanding of what I said.

Capybara in their comment:

dronerights: actually, they/them is right anyways

Me in the comment that got me banned:

"If you use they/them...you'll never gender someone correctly."

Don't these seem like direct and polar opposite contradictions? There's no way someone who believes what I said could say what ze thinks I would say. So there's no way I could say that a TERF nongendering a binary would be "correct". I said the exact opposite.

Okay, onto the question.

I do not think the semantic distinction between nongendering and misgendering is important when we are talking about binary people.

However I do think it's important when we are talking about xenogender people like myself. When you call me they/them or it/its, you are not misgendering me. I do not consider it to be transphobia. However, it still hurts. I want to be recognised for my swarm gender in my pronouns. And it/its gets kinda close, but still misses the mark. Some days I prefer they/them just to not have to hear people attempt to gender me and get it a little bit wrong. I have neopronouns I use in private, but not in public. It's a complicated issue, but the short version is I just don't feel safe sharing them on the internet where anyone can see them and use them against me. I'd like to have a set of public neopronouns I could share, but I haven't found any that feel like me, and also feel safe to share. So for now, I want everyone to nongender me. But I would absolutely hate it if you called me he/him and misgendered me. Understand? There's a big difference, to my personal experience. The difference is a lot smaller for binary people.

But Hexbear users have ignored my comments about how I see pronouns, and they've patted themselves on the back for "correcting" each other about which nongendering pronouns to use for me. And I think the lack of empathy coupled with the self-righteousness in those instances is disgusting. True righteousness can only exist alongside empathy, and there is no empathy in those moments where my pronouns are "corrected". And I hate that.

If it said it was being a pedantic jerk and clarified, that would go a long way to earning this generous interpretation of its position that you want to give it.

Am I being a pedantic jerk to inject my own nonbinary experiences into a discussing of pronoun usage for other trans people? I dunno, maybe? I just want to be understood. And that hasn't happened. My gender experiences have just been erased. And I think that's what's important. I wouldn't mind being told my gender experiences are irrelevant to the original context in which I said them. But I think the erasure is a big deal in these discussions about who I am as a person and whether Hexbear treated me with acceptance or transphobia. So I don't think I was a pedantic jerk after I said that original comment.

Nonbinary is lots of diverse gender identities.

There you go. If you want to accuse me of erasing "the one nonbinary gender", you can just link this post. You can accuse me of erasing "Nonbinary: the gender", as long as you don't believe in "Nonbinary: the genders".

If someone told you that I'm guilty of nonbinary erasure because of the views in this post, that person is an enbyphobe who doesn't think there is more than one nonbinary gender.

@good_girl@hexbear.net recently made a comment mis-speciesing my partner. Good girl claims my partner is helicopterkin instead of airplanekin. Now, it should come as no surprise to anyone that Hexbear users cannot conceive of otherkin except as a transphobic joke. The attachment of Hexbear users to transphobic rhetoric is obvious, especially when they misgendered me as UAVgender because of their obsession with that copypasta.

However, the more concerning part of Good Girl's comment is where she said that supporting NPD rights is a TERF plot. Her line of thinking is truly bizarre, and I'd just like to paste it here:

But the part that raised a few red flags for me was the obsession over the word narcissistic. To me, the way DroneRights broached the topic echoed the way terfs and transphobes speak about trans people being [insert stereotype about narcissists] ...which made me mad uncomfy.

According to Good Girl, the fact that TERFs accuse trans people of being narcissists means that any attempt to advance narcissist rights is a TERF plot. And I'd just like to say, what the fuck. Good Girl hates it when trans people are accused of mental illness, and I hate it when accusations of mental illness are weaponised. So shouldn't we be on the same side? Well Good Girl and I would be on the same side, except for the fact that Good Girl hates disabled people. That's the only way to rationalise an opposition to the idea of not using ableist slurs.

Truly, if there's any other way to rationalise Good Girl's bizarre comment I would like to hear it. But this support for the practice of using my disability as a slur "because TERFs" seems to me to only make sense within a worldview of hate. I cannot imagine another way to take that comment she directed at me.

@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone claims to be against harassment. In fact, she just made a comment personally harassing and attacking me and gloating about banning me, while lying about while I was banned. You can see it here:

https://lib.lgbt/comment/1997707

Ada's defamation centers on the idea that her moderation policy opposes harassment. Is this true? No.

https://lib.lgbt/post/1096816

Here you can see that 4 days ago I asked Ada to ban someone who made an account just to harass me from Blahaj. Did she take action? No, Ada removed my post and left the Blahaj user's harassing alt unbanned.

Make no mistake: Blahaj is a platform that supports and enables harassment, both from its head admin and in the users she chooses to host and support. Anti-harassment is not a practiced Blahaj policy, as much as Ada lies otherwise.

@CatradoraSomething@lemm.ee thinks I'm transphobic. They said it to a random person who replied to me, trying to defame me. Catradora's reason that I am transphobic is that I don't think enbies are their own gender. They are correct that I don't think enbies are our own gender. I think enbies are thousands of genders. Catradora follows a reductive, enbyphobic model of gender which denies the diversity of the nonbinary spectrum and has been used to erase all kinds of enbies and attack many of our neopronouns. This attitude is typical of Hexbear users, who hate xenogender people for breaking their gender roles for nonbinary people.

I said gender neutral pronouns exist. I said they/them is a non-gendering pronoun. Non-gendering pronouns and gender neutral pronouns are the same thing. You cannot gender someone with a gender neutral pronoun. You cannot gender someone correctly with a gender neutral pronoun. You cannot gender someone incorrectly with a gender neutral pronoun. You cannot gender someone correctly, incorrectly, otherwise, or even at all with a gender neutral pronoun.

All of Hexbear has bad reading comprehension.

Half of them heard me say "you can't gender someone incorrectly with they/them" and hates me for always using they/them.

Half of them heard me say "you can't gender someone correctly with they/them" and hates me for never using they/them.

The amount I use they/them is not always, and it is not never. I use they/them when someone's preferred pronouns are they/them, or when I don't know someone's preferred pronoun and can't find the information. Hexbear refuses to believe it, but there are lots of examples of this on this sublemmy. It's pretty concretely proven.

I said they/them doesn't gender people because it's a gender neutral pronoun. Hexbear's admins removed this comment. Look, it's right here in the modlog:

Removed Comment "They" is a non gendering pronoun. If you use they/them, you'll never misgender anyone, but you'll also never gender anyone correctly either. Some people are okay with not being gendered and some people aren't. You should respect their wishes once you've heard them, but I don't believe you have any obligation to check them in advance.
by DroneRights [it/its] reason: enbyphobia

Then, the admins banned me for this, and other left-wing comments they feel were reactionary. Look, it's right here:

Banned DroneRights [it/its]
reason: multiple instances of reactionary takes

In conclusion: Hexbear banned me for saying gender neutral pronouns exist. This evidence is indisputable. If you'd like to dispute it, you're welcome to, as long as you read all of this post and don't lie. If you want to suggest an alternate reading of events, you'd better have evidence.