Shit I know exactly what are my problems, like I probably have all the extensive library of browser bookmarks on mental health relating to my stuff.
The main main problem is inability to cope with some trans related things
I won’t come out to the world in a sorry state I am in
Wait, I promise I am not. It's just maybe that my stuff is different than what you want from life and hence your perceived notion of shitposting?
Still I will enjoy it because honestly despite all my obstacles I do enjoy life in its various aspects. Even if to watch a favorite tv show before sleep, go to the nature or immerse yourself in your hobby, these are all very lovely things.
Not to mention the taste of a really fine dish that fills you with happiness ah.
Or the pain of muscles from a day of a honest work.
Smell of the rain on a sunny day.
Even the sadness of departure is something that is pure and cleansing ultimately.
Nah I god damn love life. I just think I could love it even more if I had the guts to remove the chains of fear. I could be a queen of life then. Oh I would be a queen of life believe me.
I was born to be one but it was unfortunately taken away from me.
So that I never had the chance to show the real length of my wings and frankly quite wonderful things I am capable of if I put myself to them.
I have capacity for great achievements and extraordinary since childhood but I waste potential with some stuff that shouldn't even be a problem in the first place. And it wouldn't be if not for some... external factors. I just need to soar in the air once more as is my right.
I am 100% honest why does it sound like shitposting? This is what I dream of in life
I don't know, what do you dream of then?
I really really would love to go on a boat to the ocean and all the water around you, I love water
I don't need money to accomplish what? What I would want to accomplish actually... Well I want some nice ranch hobbit like house for once and then some nice garden but thats just one of them houses. And also some kind of nice boat
I want to have voyages on the ocean on a boat. Like self sufficient boat
I want to live in the New Zealand with a nice view maybe
That all sounds like lots of money required to me. I mean this is the things I really would enjoy in life
My port would be in New Zealand and my house too, at least one of them
yah I probably have lots of them mental health pokemons
thats why its so scary to go
like you know teeth repair is less scary than extraction or jaw surgery
no need to be so judgy tho my bro, we all have stuff more or less.
such is the human condition
why do I really need one tho, I am curious what is that you spotted that made you feel like it
its just such a non telling comment - go to therapy. why, what's wrong, what made you uneasy?
thank you, sincerely, this is very helpful comment and something that I don't feel like maybe I deserve omggg I need to work on that lol
Why not someone making a nice comment, take it and appreciate it
I will pick some therapist tomorrow and we will see what kind of shit will come up, I bet it will feel fucking terrible
I think people will hate me tbh, that’s why I don’t join clubs or stuff like that
Not even discord servers. Not even talking to similar people or within the group that should like me cause if they hate me that would be crushing if you know what I mean
Hence I often get to know people who already hate me like alt right or some bullies, toxic ppl, because that is… less risky? Somehow. I don’t truly care about them so if they hate me this feels like nothing. but if someone who I really look up to would hate me… well, that would be rather extremely painful
Actually that would probably make me hate them psychotically as a some kind of subjective defense of identity. And what is understood by me as ‘hate’ is very sensitive. Merely sideways stare that I would interpret too much will make me go off to some deep end (but only if it is from someone in some group that I should belong to)
If it is some aggressive looking, young male with bald head and ugly stare then I will just feel like on a safari and see the dangerous wildlife that should be avoided. Scary of course, adrenaline going but not something that lasts in my mind
I am not afraid of wolves or tigers. But what I am afraid of is a woman that will thrust a knife in my heart and kill it
I don’t have any friends whatsoever since like 10 years tbh and honestly never had one. Just acquaintances and frenemies but right now I haven’t talked to anyone except family since years I think
So I guess my ways of communicating may be a bit strange and look like trolling when they are honest and there is no ill intent or malice
I like to talk online sometimes and have responses I can interact with. All cool I hope my bro take care 🥰 and chill
No I just want to talk, there is no malice nor ill intent
Yeah I guess but why not just burn them all to the ground instead? That’s doubly tempting. They will have to get therapy to adjust to a world with me after I am finished. Why not go this way instead?
Why do I need to go instead of them? I want to traumatise them
I am not a fucking victim here, they are the victims
I swear one funny look one more time and I am going to beat the shit out of someone, cameras or not something will break and I won’t control myself anymore.