I want money and want to have a mindset that will allow for a swift and easy accumulation of it so then I don’t need it anymore and can focus on higher luxuries such as some kind of abstract ethics or whatever
If that means being an asshole for some time then it’s okay as long as it is helping me achieve this minimum monetary security
That’s what I have been thinking. Therapy could be a way to make the masses more productive and obey the senseless laws of society
So what I would just go there and talk about what for 150 dollars? They would sniff it out what I need or…? Or do I need to know what I need? How many 150 dollar meetings for figuring it out?
I need money and fearlessness, now give me that or at least ways to achieve it
Then there is also power I have been eyeing if I have these things but that can wait and will come with the first two
Fearlessness -> Money -> Power that’s how it looks like in the long run
However on my path I am brought down by some stupid things like daily commute problems or mental overload or anxiety. I just want to surgically cut them out
I don’t know I am afraid though I am not very resistant to hostility
I am trans, nonbinary, xenogendrr, they gonna crucify me or something lmao
But a solid advice otherwise
Okay but if it is so essential as the contemporary society would allow you to believe then why it is more expensive than an hour with a sex worker? (At least here) somehow I cannot get the therapy prostitution connection out of my mind.
Like why would I say to some stranger (I choose based on looks and opinions lol) my feelings and pay them for it and also wait for dates available like it was some highly sought service competition and I am just some 10th gear in queue of the bucks making machine.
Not only I must pay for this but also wait patiently for a month. Some crazy stuff
And what is that will be revealed to me that I didn’t know already if anything? For an hour of feeling good after waiting for weeks I will pay 150 dollars??
I could get one pack of high quality cocaine for that /j not to mention all the stuff that I actually need to buy
And if it doesn’t work then money wasted? What does "working" even mean in this context i don’t know. Hopefully makes me earn more money because I need that.
Right now I am unable to work prolly cause some autism but who knows. I am unable to resist daily grind and emotions of commuting and working for more than a month without mental breakdown.
Will therapy fix that?
They thought I am wrong even though I am right
Go seek therapy
That I knew but I didn’t know that whole day of physical work feels so good for me. Then I thought of the primal people adhd theories and maybe I need more physical style of life. I like to think that answers to present are in the past
No I don’t want fear. I don’t want to feel fear ever again. Whatever it takes to do that I will do
Fear is a prison
I need to somehow crush that fearful part of me and kill it because it is broken
Okay I am afraid to come there to therapist actually first so maybe let’s start with that part