I get what you're saying, and you're right that blaming "the system" isn't the same as blaming every individual. But in practice, a lot of young men hear exactly that kind of blame coming at them personally. Maybe that’s not what’s intended, but it’s how it lands. Especially when the messaging is constant and there’s no room for nuance.
Look at how often phrases like “male privilege” or “toxic masculinity” get thrown around without any real context. Not all of us grew up with privilege. Some of us were raised by single moms, worked garbage jobs, got chewed up by the military, or have been beaten down by life. So when someone says we’re part of some oppressive system we supposedly benefit from, it can feel like a gut punch. Not everyone takes it personally, but enough guys do that entire online communities have formed around that frustration.
And here’s the thing. Academically, I get what patriarchy means. But I think we need to unpack it in a broader way. We should be asking who actually benefits from it. Because it sure as hell isn’t the guy sweating in a ditch or working a night shift at a warehouse. Patriarchy isn’t a blanket of power that covers all men equally. It’s a system that, like most systems, tends to reward the rich. The guy at the top. The one with the money, the connections, and the insulation from consequence. It’s less about gender in the real world and more about class, and when we ignore that, we miss the full picture.
Not all critiques stay abstract either. I’ve seen feminist writers and influencers say things like “men are trash,” “all men are potential predators,” or “if you’re not actively dismantling the patriarchy, you’re part of the problem.” Maybe that’s not what academic feminism teaches, but it’s out there. Loud, viral, and shaping how these conversations are received.
Just like you can say the healthcare system is broken without attacking nurses, you can criticize patriarchy without alienating people. But the way it's said matters. If someone walks away from that conversation feeling like they’ve just been blamed for everything, they are not going to stick around and talk. They’ll shut down, get bitter, and start listening to whoever does make them feel seen. Even if that person is a complete grifter or extremist.
We have to stop just talking about young men like they’re a problem to be fixed. We need to start talking to them, honestly and with some respect. Otherwise, we are going to keep losing them to the worst voices out there.
About a year ago I got banned from Reddit for saying that a hockey player should go to jail for murder after he deliberately cut another guy's throat with his skate. The video showed it clear as day. I guess that was too spicy for Reddit, even though I stand by what I said. No big deal though. I was getting sick of that place anyway.
I had already played around on Lemmy before that happened, so I just moved over here. I deleted my first account because I felt like I was spending too much time commenting, but I’m back now. I also have a BlueSky account, but honestly, I never use it.
Lemmy has potential. But let’s be real, there are some features it still needs to really work as a Reddit replacement. It could use something like Reddit Enhancement Suite. That means stuff like tagging users, highlighting keywords, managing comments, and keeping track of threads. The mobile apps like Jerboa and Thunder are okay, but they still feel half-finished. Search is another issue. We really need full text search that works across the entire fediverse, not just locally. It would also help to have saved comments and a good bookmarking system. Managing multicommunity subscriptions should be easier too. Markdown needs a proper preview tool, and comment formatting could be better. And it would be nice to have a real modmail or private message system that does not feel like a workaround.
Still, I like being here. The federated model is messy sometimes, but it feels less controlled. And that counts for something.