[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

It went from me wondering why I could never seem to be or stay social. I consider myself funny and people tell me that, so why do I struggle around people then? Why can't I make really social connection that aren't just surface level. And why can't I seem to change the way I live? I seem to do be unable to work on things I need to do because I have to stick to this rigid schedule.

Then nothing happened for a couple months, I just figured that I was anti social and moved on, but not really.

Then I was walking back to my car from work, and I was thinking about all this stuff, and wondering why I never like going places, and why I can't stand parties, and why when I come back from work I hide away from my family. And why can't i make eye contact??? I just kinda went, "Ha ha I wonder if I have autism lol"

One month later, I read a little about autism, and it really just fell into place. Oh I can't make eye contact because autism, I struggle with social situations because of autism, I can't say goodbye properly because of autism, YOU MEAN WHEN I THOUGH THAT I WAS JUST BECOMING MORE SOCIAL, WHEN I WAS ACTIVELY FREAKING WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE, CONSCIOUSLY WATCHING MY BODY POSTURE, CONSCIOUSLY LISTENING TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE TALK, (and on and on) THAT THERE WAS A FREAKING WORD FOR THAT??? I WAS MASKING???

Anyways haven't been tested yet but honestly it's so I can't be as doubtful of myself. I swear I'll struggle through a social situation and come home and go "hmmmm I'm not doing anything autistic rn that must mean I don't have autism and am just faking it". He says while sitting in a room by himself, stimming by spinning a phone in his hand, following his usual schedule, with low light.

Anyways sorry for the long post, but I guess that's expected.

TL:DR

I joked about me having autism and turns out I do.

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

Las Vegas Loop sounds like a Mario Kart track

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Honestly I think the community is perfect the way it is. People here are so friendly and nice. You mods put in so much work and you especially practically make all thee posts and comments. I think no change is needed.

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submitted 1 year ago by Sketchpad01@lemmy.world to c/memes@lemmy.ml
[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 105 points 1 year ago

Honestly wish I could do that. I've gotten so used to masking my inability to do small talk that I basically just say yes to everything. It's super annoying and something I want to work on, but I dont really know how.

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Are you eating humans???

87

I can barely remember everything that's blown my mind. Seeing everything that I've felt, that's made me feel so isolated from other people because I can't explain it, or they just don't understand is crazy. Especially Echolalia. I literally can't go for a few seconds without quoting something. Especially Red Dead Redemption 2. Saying "sure" has never been the same after playing that game lol. Reading through this has blown my mind. It's like reading out my thoughts. Thanks for the support.

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago

Your name, usually.

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Can't wait for this startup to mysteriously disappear

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Wouldn't it not be illegal to hack it? Since you own the hardware?

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Thank you, a wall of text is fantastic, it's so weird to see issues and problems I've been having that have felt like they were just something I experience just written out by someone I don't even know yet.

That first comment on not feeling like your Autistic enough hits home so hard. I've felt that ever since I started wondering if I was autistic. It's definitely not a struggle I'm over but having someone else even mention it is amazing. Thank you.

And for stimming, I've learned to spin just about any object across my palm, I had no idea that's what I was doing. This whole time I just though I was just fiddling. That's so cool that there's a word for that. Thank you for your wall of text and advice, I guarantee you I'll be competing back to this comment over and over.

[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

My bad, just meant to argue that taxes weren't explicitly communist. I don't have any strong feelings for or agains t communism yet, maybe I'll look into it later. Just hate to see people use thr name of an economic system as a debate ender, although I suppose I did the same. Guess it's just the debater in me wishing we could have actual structural arguments on thr internet instead of throwing slang words around.

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What now? (lemmy.world)

Well I think I might be autistic, I've wondered why I feel so different from other people, why it feels like I am taking my entire life, why when I lose focus, or am not being focused on i become completely silent and struggle to make even simple comments, and why I have had to watch and learn from others to become remotely social. I guess those are all signs of autism. I took that RAADS-R test and got a score of 141, which is slightly above the mean for autistics, I also took a few other of those quizzes.

But my question is what happens now? What do I do? I don't feel comfortable asking my parents if I can get examined, I can't really afford to do it myself, but I guess I could try. I don't want to just start saying that I'm autistic, and have to mention that it's self diagnosed because I think we all know the stigma around that.

Heck I'm still in the stage (or I assume it's a stage because it matches that one post here where they talked about their stages of realizing they have autism, and I related completely to it) where I'm not sure if I am not just faking this whole thing. So what do I do now?

1
[-] Sketchpad01@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Using the history command just to find the specific IP I need to ssh to

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Sketchpad01

joined 1 year ago