Or.... just don't give a fuck and reply with "Bought it before the shennanigans, bro. Not gonna toss it."

I use Edge for work, and it feels way snappier than Chrome has felt in years. Chrome has easily gotten so bloated and slow and most people just don't notice it.

Firefox still feels quicker than Edge, which is nice.

I... don't think that's how it works...

You switch to one of the dozens of MVNOs, like Mint Mobile, US Mobile, Cricket, etc etc.