No need to apologize ^^ I'm slow at responding too (and also over apologizing so I get it ❤️)

I think I am experiencing that same artificial rift you're talking about. My wife has been the only one to see my true self (while we were teenagers I was a lot more explorative in my gender and then shut it down for a decade) and she told me how those were the parts of my self she loved the most. Now that I can embrace that part of myself again, we've gotten closer than ever!

It's still difficult for both of us for sure, but we talk and stay honest and are trying to take it a step at a time.

I really relate to the self care aspect. I completely let all of that go while trying to force myself into the "man" box I thought I was supposed to be in. Barely showered, only bought clothes for practical reasons, let my hair get shaggy, generally just didn't take any care of myself. Almost like I was punishing myself? Got to the point I was actively hurting myself through addiction and pushing my wife away.

Feel like I did a full 180 and now I love taking care of myself. I love shaving and moisturizing and finding clothes that are cute vs just practical. It's done wonders for my self esteem because now I know why I hated myself so much. I wasn't being my true self ❤️

Definitely going to look into support groups and things along those lines. I really lucked out with my current therapist who is gender affirming and I've been working with her for a couple years now. Funny side note, when I was looking for a therapist a couple years ago for general depression and anxiety help, I picked my current therapist because she specifically said in her profile she was an ally for lgbtq. Not that I knew at the time I was trans, but some part of me knew she was who I needed to work with ❤️

I'd love to stay in touch! But the fediverse is still kinda new to me so not sure what calckey or blahaj is 😅

Thank you for helping me so much and supporting a new chick like me 🐣

Huh, that's really interesting. I wasn't sure what all they could do. I feel like I have a really square jaw that my beard helped hide. And once I started my acceptance journey, I shaved it off and got really confused because I felt like I looked even more masculine. But I can't handle having a beard anymore so I've been trying to just deal with it. I think I'm getting used to it now that it's been a few weeks and I'm not "moving my face weird" anymore like my wife was saying lol.

Did you get an idea of how you would look after all the surgeries? Like, did they show you an approximation of how you would look?

This is still all new for me, so I know basically nothing at the moment 😅

I'm really late to this post but just recently came out to myself. Interested in ffs but don't really know what it all entails?

How did it go for you and are you happy with the results? What exactly do they do if you don't mind me asking?

I hope it goes well for you! Would love an update as you move through your journey ❤️

You got this girl

Thank you for your reply! And I have been feeling exactly this! Days where I'm confident in this decision and ready to do all the girly stuff and days where I'm like "maybe I'm lying?"

But as time moves on and I become more comfortable with the idea, the better I have been feeling. I used to HATE taking care of my self in any sort of way. Now I'm loving getting a smooth shave all over my body, lotioning up and feeling silky smooth. Took me some time to get used to not having a beard, but I feel generally better about my appearance.

Even started wearing my tighter fitting clothing again because all of a sudden I wasn't getting hit with dysphoria attacks. (At the time I thought I was just overly sensitive to how clothing fit, lol)

Anyways. As I embrace my femininity, I feel more confident and lovable if that makes sense? I like feeling cute. I like feeling like this.

Music has always been a huge help for me when it comes to my mental health. I'm always humming or listening to something. Especially if I'm trying to get through a specifically anxious moment. I'd love to know what music has been helping you ❤️

For me, I love listening to Manchester Orchestra, specifically their Black Mile to the Surface album. It speaks to me because it's about becoming a parent for the first time (I have a 15mo) but some of the lyrics speak to the woman inside. Even if it feels like I'm forcing it a bit lol. Literally one song goes "throw the man you used to be away" and I'm like "uh yes hun I will!"

❤️🐣

I'm so proud of you! Keep chasing that feeling of "pretty" because it will help you find happiness. At least that is what I am learning. ❤️ You have my support and love!

Needed a new way to blow up my marriage

Oh honey, I'm right there with you with the sensitive skin. I have so much razor burn everywhere. I definitely didn't do it right. Gonna try nair next time as I've had good results in the past. Well mostly.

One time I did my bikini area. And I mean everything and when it was time to take it off, I realized I missed a few spots so I felt the sensible thing was to just go ahead and put it on again right after... Oh my god the pain was intense on my most sensitive areas. Then had another bright idea to quickly wipe it off and add aloe vera gel to help with the burning sensation. Fell to the ground grasping my bits because it was so terribly painful. 😂 so don't make that mistake.

There's a saying about beauty being painful right? Well. I definitely have the pain part down 😂

I had no idea that there were make up artists like that! I live in rural Indiana (yikes) so not much in the way of gender affirming services around me but I really hope that goes well for you!

If you'd like to talk to a new gal like me about some of these new feelings, I'm here ❤️ just try and focus on small changes that make you happy. Listen to that beautiful woman inside of you and you'll find happiness :)

That is wonderful! Congrats on your journey as well!

No funny stories that I can think of at the moment. I've only come out to my wife so far - and right now that feels good for me. I'm terrified of any one else's reaction 😬

Although looking back at my life has been a bit comical. Countless red flags that were screaming at me to take a deeper look at myself. Hell, I was subscribed to egg_irl for months before even considering the fact that I found the memes so funny because they were relatable, lol. I just thought our community was hilarious 🤣

I've had a rough day but this really made me laugh. Thank you!

I look forward to hearing how your hair removal experiment goes :)

I really relate to this as a newbie. I'm feeling a lot of the same types of regrets about how reckless and self defeating I had been to myself. Before I accepted this, I didn't give two shits about my body. Very active addiction for most of my life to try and "cope with life"

Now I realize why I did what I did. I had no connection to what I saw in the mirror. Body is a temple? Fuck that shit - I've always hated this body.

Now I realize I can change it to what I want it to be and I regret all the wasted years of hating myself without knowing why.