Give me my frickin burger, Ricky!

This right here. Listen up.

My boss needed my work. He got me when I was 16 years old and told me that in 10 years he intended to retire and if I came and worked for him he’d lease one of the businesses to me until he died and I’d take over.

At the 11 year mark I was losing hope, but I kept going because it really did seem like a possibility.

I loved my job, but I got paid so much less than everyone else who did what I did. I thought it was a decent trade off because I really did love it so much.

My store was sold in August after 24-26 years there. I have been unemployed and staying at home with my kids. My skills are out of date, my resume a single paragraph.

Don’t. Be. Loyal.

Sell your skills to the highest bidder and develop them as you go. I loved everyone I worked with, but I left when the place was sold. I left for the reason I mentioned above. I took care of it like it was my own personal space because it was supposed to be. Your friends will not hate you for improving your life or they aren’t your friends.

I made the people who worked under me do no extra, because in my mind they didn’t stand to benefit from it like I did. Now they’re dealing with all of it and they still talk to me.

You say this like there is any other kind of shark.

We need to make it slang everywhere!!! Now!

It needs to become so standard that one day an old man will call his grandson a goober and the whole family will be mad at him. He somehow missed the memo.

Also, later seasons of the Andy Griffith show will be up to 100x as funny.

People will be watching this old show and then suddenly the goofy vagina character shows up as a permanent resident.

I love this.

And just to throw this out here, for fun.

My ex and I had so much shit in common it was unreal. We were both miserable and living in hell.

My wife and I have very little in common and we get along swimmingly. It’s actually crazy how much we get along.

She laughs at my nerdy interests and can’t relate to them at all, but she admires the things about me that she can’t relate to and I am the same with her.

Our egos don’t get in the way of anything between us. We don’t bump heads about common interests because we don’t have a pile of them. We’ve actually been able to show each other things we wouldn’t have encountered without each other over this last decade (roughly).

We aren’t exactly opposites because we share political and religious (or lack thereof rather) views. We don’t have many common interests though.

Sometimes I wish I could make her understand this or that about me, and she feels the same way. We make it though.

Based on my experience with my ex, if I found myself single and I met a woman with too many of my interests, I’d run.

I imagine a terrible, awful future Forest Gump remake.

“They had these camps that helped folks with their concentration or something like that. They said I was a shine-ning example, so I got to meet the president of the United States, again.”

“They tell me this guy is the best example. Got treated, got rich in shrimp. What a guy! Our camps are great, the best camps in all the world.”

Camera pans to Trump shaking hands with Kim Jong Un.

“In Korea, everybody got these pic-tures of their leader on the wall. We got those in Alabama too.”

I never call the police for shit like that either. Some big animal is standing in the road? Sure. Car accident? Sure. If they’re already at the scene I’ll talk to them.

I’ve never seen anything get better in a heated situation because the cops showed up.

I grew up in complete chaos though. I seen my dad get beat half to death by them when I was a kid, followed a few years later by my brother being tackled and kicked at the bottom of our stairs.

My brother was a beast though, so I’m not sure anyone else could have controlled him that night.

He somehow survived being the beast he was and he’s a good father and a contributing member of society these days. Better than me actually.

Yeah, I’m very lucky to have her.

I sometimes think of who I’d be if I were anyone at all, but I’m happy to be nobody right here where I’m at.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Probably childhood abandonment, abuse, and neglect.

My poor mom tried, she really did. She was abandoned, abused, and neglected too. A lot of things that would have seemed absurd to a healthy person were normal for her so she tolerated a lot and expected a lot. She suffered so much as a kid that whatever idea she had about family, she was sticking to.

I have no close friends and I LOVE it that way. I wish I didn’t.

Being alone is my favorite way to be. I can’t move in any direction in life because of it. Fortunately my wife wants me to be a stay at home dad. She isn’t crippled like I am and she loves me anyway, thank goodness.

You know what really, really, really sucks?

All of this. Take the titles and names of the religions away. Make up new words. Call them all whatever you want to and you know what they all have in common?

Their humanity.

Any of us would be animals under the right circumstances. All of history says exactly that.

I wish we could find a way to do away with all of it.

Even then though, atheist states have committed mass murder. It isn’t just religion, it’s humanity. Isn’t that sad?

If we erased all of our history tomorrow and gave humans a damn Nintendo and a handful of cartridges, we’d be killing each other over Mario bros in 100 years.

I really wish I was just sitting in a dirty house in West Virginia, breathing exclusively from my mouth, saliva dripping at my feet. I wish I didn’t see humanity for what it is.

What really, really sucks is that we could drop this crap and get along if we were truly intelligent. We aren’t. We’re herds of bloodthirsty animals making things up so we can FEEL like we have meaning.

Oh well.

I remembered this and googled it. In my mind there was a video, but man. It’s been a crazy 8 years.

"When Elon Musk came to the White House asking me for help on all of his many subsidized projects, whether it's electric cars that don't drive long enough, driverless cars that crash, or rocket ships to nowhere, without which subsidies he'd be worthless," the ever-gracious Trump wrote in 2022, "and telling me how he was a big Trump fan and Republican, I could have said, 'drop to your knees and beg,' and he would have done it…"

https://futurism.com/the-byte/musk-trump-president-bromance

Holy crap, they did.

I spent a lot of my life there and boy oh boy.

I hear it’s nicer up north, but I couldn’t afford to go anywhere and check it out. It is WILD where I came from.