Nonzero chance that abiogenesis occurred in there

That's not his views... that's from an essay where he's parodying the mainstream ultrasimplification of political alignment.

https://inthesetimes.com/article/cold-turkey

You left out some language that I think clears up his ironic tone:

If you want to take my guns away from me, and you’re all for murdering fetuses, and love it when homosexuals marry each other, and want to give them kitchen appliances at their showers, and you’re for the poor, you’re a liberal.

If you are against those perversions and for the rich, you’re a conservative.

What could be simpler?

Totally changes it, doesn't it?

He also said his fatal mistake was making one of the tools too closely resemble a saw

comes back

Bilbo is gay!

dies

comes back

Nazgul are just men in dresses!

not canceled cause that's true

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."

Kurt Vonnegut

I mean, yeah. You never make a glue glove?

Being beaten to a bloody pulp is fine and dandy, but how am I going to earn my money back?

Fuck you. You are brainwashed by a stupid cult. Donald Trump is a weak loser conman and you are inherently worse than that for falling for Q nonsense. You don't even know who was president in 2020.

The office of the presidency should be abolished

This guy is cool as shit

IT'S SO BAD

I like to knock on hard-boiled eggs to break them. Seems more polite.